Depression is stalking me … 11 OCT 2018

Everything started by him telling he was going to marry.

I concludedI the day and I was right.

I thought it would not affect me, and even by knowing the day. I felt OK.

Some days later, I found of some of my colleagues went out together and as usual, they didnt invite me.

To be honest, it touched me, and I refused to go to the party they had on Sunday night.

I stayed at home thinking about excused I could make for not going… That was like seeing an old picture of my life…

On Saturday I didn’t have volunteer so I could rest and I got better for my flu.

I decided to go to the English cafe with Yumi and it was nice. I met a handsome Chinese guy and a Turkish guy.

But we didn’t go to dinner so I came back home early, during the commuting some drunk guy introduced himself to me .. I was nervous because I don’t like to deal with such people, they can be dangerous I think, but I got off in the next station.

  

On Monday, I went to work as usual … but after leaving my job place I took the bus and I couldn’t help myself .. and I started crying.

Why?

So many emotions were in my heart hiding… and I think I know why …

For the rejection I felt from my coworkers … It did hurt me …

For his wedding …. It did hurt me

My trainers stolen outside my house … It doesn’t hurt, but it was not a good think.

For my pitiful raise of 2.75% that is around 0.35 Cents. … a fucking joke…

All these hurt me …  even if I act as it doesn’t.

I saw a picture of the wedding through Vikis WhatsApp status.

I started searching for wedding ideas, thinking my wedding would be much better than his.

But what If? What If I never married?

I talked to him yesterday, I felt envy for everything he got for me… and how I did not get anything.

I know it is not a good feeling.

I really think I must stop talking to him.. It won’t take me to anywhere.

What happen …happens .

You know, I think if his girlfriend were not pregnant we could be together and today I thought.. Why you didn’t wait for me?

It is over.

he wrote me in his wedding day:

Wish me luck laf. And one thing I can and will promise you on this day. I will always love you and keep ur place in my heart and if u will want it, you will have me in ur life… God bless you 🙅‍♂

idiot …  I should get away …

Advertisements

ya no me destruyas mas 23’09’18

Me duele pensar en ti.

Después de tantos años.

Me hace llorar el pensar que lo nuestro nunca será.

Que te vas a casar con alguien que no soy yo.

Que vas a tener un bebé con alguien más.

 

Finally I see it! 👀

Yesterday I went to a party with Kit and Serge. He is totally in love with her but she even has a British boyfriend, handsome and such… but I didn’t know she and Serg even have sex. 😯😯😯😯😯

She is very pretty. I thought she was just fooling around with him, but it seems its more than that. Even Serge had spent the night in her new flat.

But why?

I think she just uses him, to have fun, to have someone who will take her on trips and such.

Suddenly, I related to that story. He stops talking to her and then she writes and he is back to this endless circle.
It is my story. My stary with Edgar K. I wanted to write him but I didn’t and I shouldn’t. It has been almost a year since the last time we communicated ..after the earthquake.

I finally stop being in his life and he stopped writing me. Sometimes I thought about writing him… telling … you forgot about me.. you are so bad …. Such as Kyt does with Serge now.

I have seen this story.

I told Serge, she uses him for build up her ego. Such as Charlie M. told me some years ago. That I was just using Edg for that.
He was right.

Edgar knew I would never have something serious with him, but then again I was jealous when he was around other girls. Why?
Why do we women do that to nice man?

Serge knows she will never take him seriously. I wonder if Edgar knew or If he deep inside thought we would end up together.
I remember he told me I was the love of his life … he told me he wanted to be my boyfriend and then even marry me. He was nice with me.

I talked Serg …that Kit was not good … I was not good either.

I finally see how bad I was and how Edg could have felt because of me and that was something not to be proud about. 😐😔

I think he is better without me … After seeing how much it hurts for Sergs .. I feel also ashamed of my past behaviour.😔

Prettier than you think

My friend Daniel told me I am prettier than I think I am.

During many time I feel less attractive than the average girls. They were all with nice make up and such.

But I think I am pretty. No, I don’t think .. I am sure.

The other day a customer told me I had a beautiful smile… he liked me … and he was a nice guy, blond and such.

I should have said something else butI just said thanks.

That date also a man was waving at me from a van, haha.

The other day a man randomly in the subway told me in Spanish that I have nice eyes…

The Taiwanese guy told me I had a nice skin colour, haha.

I am an attractive woman .. I must use it or lose it.

I shouldn’t forget it … I am an attractive woman …

I remember the first time Walter saw me. He just saw me and he got caught in my beauty.

and come on, such as attractive guy as Fabio …

and Laf, Sergey, etc.

I am hawt! I must face it!

I feel specially pretty when I wear a strong lipstick. 💄💋

My eyelashes are a problem though. When I put the fake lashes. I think I looked very beautiful.

I remember when I landed in Amsterdam, Sergey saw me and kissed me …

I am beautiful!😉😎☺️😚🤩😘

Did I tell you when I blackout?

It was in QO in the house I shared with some roomies.

It was with Fabio, the super hot brazilian guy.

I don’t remember anything. He told me.

I think that day we went to a club. It was a great night with my gym friends.

Man, I miss those days.

I was so happy such days.

I remember was we were arriving to my home, and he was kissing me and bend me over to a table that was outside, I asked him to stop since, there was a camera my landlord have, hahaha.

My landlord was crazy but he is a good man, a christian guy.

I remember once his little son asked me if I had a boyfriend.. haha.

You see the good thing about writing is that you just keep and keep …

I wanted to talk about the day I blackout while having sex with Fabio and I ended up so far away… my mind is just wandering with not destination.

1st September, 2018

I decided to do something different today and I went to a meet up!

It was OK, not so bad. Many people attended. I met a Mongolian boy who lived in Spain, therefore spoke Spanish. How cool is that?

I also chatted with people from Iran, Mexico, Japan, Korea, etc.

I would have liked to talked to more people. But I didn’t want to move to another table.

Maybe next time.

Later, we went to eat to a Japanese restaurant. I ate gyozas for first time. I didnt have a hard time with the chopsticks, hihi.

Im glad, I didn’t stay home and I went out from my comfort zone. I will keep going.

Me atacan los bichos… Julio

El jueves 26 de julio me di cuenta que mi cama estaba llena de beg bugs, no se cuanto tiempo ya llevaban ahi, yo creo desde hace mas de un mes que fue cuando Amy se fue, recuerdo que vi unas manchas típicas la ultima vez que lavé mis sabanas y pensé que las había ensuciado ella.

Yo creo ella trajo los bed bugs hacia mi cama, ya que se durmió aquí unas veces y me paso muñecos.

Ese día dormí en un pequeño sillón de la sala y pensé que tenía que salirme de esta casa lo antes posible.

El viernes en la noche, no se si se descararon por el calor que había, pero ya veía a los bed bugs por mi cama libremente, a pesar de que lave mis colchas el viernes las volví a poner lo cual supongo fue un error ya que después volvieron a treparse y a salirse, pensé que podría dormir ahi cuando ya había soy, pero fue una mala idea, se subieron en chinga a la almohada y ese día volví a dormir en la sala, cuando eran las cinco aproximadamente me vine a mi cuarto y me dormía en mi escritorio.

El sábado después de los fireworks me dormí en la sala también.

Creo fue el domingo hacia el lunes que se me descubrieron durmiendo en la sala, y me dijeron que me cambiarían de cama.

El martes 31 ya dormí en una nueva cama.

Aun así decidí irme de esa casa, supongo que se escondían también por la alfombra porque llegue a ver a una que otra todavía por ahí.

Puse toda mi ropa en bolsas y después compre una caja de plástico.

Lavé mucha de mi ropa y otra la puse en la secadora a temperatura alta.

Así que espero que ninguna chinche se haya venido conmigo a mi nuevo hogar.

Me mude el miércoles 15 de agosto a una nueva casa, me llevé muchas cosas, no pensé tuviera tantas. Contraté un transporte que me cobro 25 dólares, pero me pude llevar todo, hasta mi jabón de lavanderia. El chavo del carro era muy amable y guapo.

Llegué a mi nueva casa ya me instale.

La cama es cómoda pero creo me hace falta una almohada. Solo he encontrado algunas arañas en esta casa, así que me compré un insecticida que las mata.

En mi casa pasada, ya llevaron hasta especialistas para fumigar la casa, es extraño no? Me hacen sentirme culpable, pero después Rochelle sola me calmo diciendo que puedo agarrar chinches en el bus, en cualquier lado. Yo sigo pensando que fue Amy y sus peluches que me dio. El día que se quedo en mi cuarto seguro me paso sus chinches, ella siempre tenía un relajo en su cuarto.  Y su ropa de cama, no la cambió en más de seis meses.

Ademas antes de que les dijera a las mamás, empezaron a limpiar topa su ropa de cama y a poner sus almohadas al sol.

Quien sabe. La verdad!  Espero no me haya llevado yo ningún bug.

Mientras, lavare mi ropa de cama cada 2 semanas mínimo. Y mi ropa común también, más seguido, ya compré bicarbonato de sodio y se lo echaré a mi ropa.

Hasta ahora todo bien.

El jueves es mi día de lavar y parece también mi día de limpiar la casa un poco, jejeje.