Morning mirror affirmation

You dannie,

you radiate confidence, charisma, charm and grace,

you deserve the best the world has to offer

you are amazing

you can achieve everything you want in life.

you are light, you are strength 

you are beautiful

i love you, i forgive you and i accept you

fast summary of the week

Viernes 22 …

Ese viernes recibí la aprobación de mi visa, yeah! Así que me quedó aqui. Quiero comprar cosas bonitas para hacer sentir esto más como mi hogar.

Salí con Liz a Cavana otra vez. Ahi me quede de ver con Garry, está alto el tipo, me gusta cuando le agarro los brazos. Me agarró los pechos, aunque le quite las manos de encima mío.  Nos besamos como siempre, pero el se fue con su amigo como a las 2am. 

Liz mandó a volar a su amigo y siguió con el turco. Cuando se fue Gary, otro chaparrtio me agarro y me quería comprar drinks y así, súper molesto el tipo. Despues, llegó un arabe y me dijo que era de Dubai que podíamos salir la próxima semana al cine.  Como estaba tranquilo, le pase mis datos. 

Después nos fuimos caminando y nos interceptaron unos rubios en español que nos invitaron a un after, yo dije que sí pero al final Liz me vio así como que estás loca, vámonos de aqui. 

Nos fuimos pero le di mi teléfono a uno.  Llegue tardísimo a mi casa a dormir. Me costo conciliar el sueño. 

Sabado 23

Pues me escribió Matt el chavo que conocí en la madrugada, me invito a su casa a una fiesta, yeah sure, sounds like peligro I said. Le dije que tenia que trabajar y me dijo OK, después creo que me borró de sus contactos. Ok.

Domingo

Fui a trabajar. después tenia flojera pero fui a ver a Tadeo. Fuimos a un bar bohemio por commercial, había música en vivo, hablamos. Me dijo que estábamos festejando su cumpleaños.  La pasamos bien, el pago. En un error derrame un poco de cerveza encima de él, el me dijo que estaba bien pero le tendría que dar un beso, se levanto por algo que limpiar y me besó intensamente.

Después íbamos caminando, y hablando, cuando le pregunté para que me quieres, y me dijo que quiere estar conmigo. Después, me dijo que yo también tenia actitudes como diciendo que me quería casar y tener hijos que si no era con el, iba a ser con cualquier otro.  Agregué lo que ya había dicho antes que yo no me quería casar con él, y que nunca me querría casar con alguien quien me dice “no te enamores de mi” entonces empecé a llorar … y llorar. El no dijo nada, sólo me abrazo. Él nunca dice nada.

Despues me calmé y ya me iba.

Para eso antes, cuando me vio e íbamos caminando me abrazo y  me dijo que no lo dejaría de hacer aunque le dijera que no.  Platicando me dijo que quería ir a lugares, conocer más …conmigo obvio. Eso suena bien.

Lunes …

Trabaje en la tarde, un quilombo cerrar todo solo Nav y yo. Fui a S Park con Ari y Liz, Ari me contó que se acosto con el chavo que me gusta del trabajo… nooo… I cant believe it. Pero bueno, ni modo. También que salió con muchos chavos de Tinder y se acosto con ellos la primera vez después nunca los quiso volver a ver. Que la igualdad de sexos existe y no debemos quedarnos con las ganas de gana. Me quede en schock.

Martes

No trabaje, fui con Liz a Metown, me compré un vestido de cerezas que Tadeo dice que queda muy bien jijiji después fui a comprar unas velas para el viernes en la noche con Garry.  Y me quede de ver con Tadeo, fuimos a un cafe aunque a el no le gustaba la idea mucho. Había un chavo guapo e igual y yo lo andaba viendo y en un momento me dijo “pedirle su número” obvio yo negué todo. Pero el no estaba muy cariñoso conmigo que digamos.

Arregle lo de mi seguro social. 🙂

Despues cuando ya me iba me beso super apasionadamente dos veces.

Por cierto, el me ayudo a cargar mis cosas porque pesaban.

Miercoles

Trabaje en la tarde con Leo, como me cae bien ese chamaco.. Quería ver a Garry el jueves y darle vuelta a la hilacha, pero me dijo que no puede hasta el viernes. hmm , así que no sé qué hacer, jiji.

Jueves

Le dije a Javi que ya el lunes entro a la escuela, y solo pues ir en la tarde.

Le escribí a Tad que quería me hiciera suya con el vestido nuevo que me compre.

Quede de verme mañana con Garry…

Me darian de ganas de estar con los dos el mismo dia, jaja, pero es una locura, no?

Tengo que ordenar mi cuarto.

Juan hablo conmigo, dice que esta bien que me acueste con quien quiera pero “que no se te olvide que la sociedad es machista y hay mucha gente pendeja ..sé muy discreta”. A veces, peco de indiscreta.

Lalo dice que debo darle alegria a mi cuerpo Macarena, que la educación católica con la que crecí no me deja disfrutar, jaja. Y me recordó lo que me dijo mi tía que si fuera joven se cogería a todos, jaja. No me acordaba de eso.

¿Quién eres tú?

Y pensar que hace unos años hubo alguien quien me dedico esta canción. 

El otro dia lo recordé y me puse algo triste. 

Edgar sí me quería mucho, quizas tanto como Josip … o quizás mucho más pero ya no hablamos después del terremoto cuando me preguntó cómo estaba.

Podría escribirle, pero ¿para qué? Espero que el esté mejor que yo, que este con alguien que ame y que lo ame. 

Mientras yo, seguiré esperando quien me cante esta canción. 

Quien me cante al corazón. 

There´s just 1 plan

I remember when I was younger I always wanted to escape, far away. But, later I realized no matter how far I would go my demons would follow me.

I forgot about that idea and I started living a normal life.

My friends and family thought I was making it.

I was working in an important company and I was making money, I was even a leader and I was hiring people. Me, hiring people… who would say it?

I had a handsome, blond blue-eyed boyfriend, who seem to love me and whom I love with madness.

I even was driving a nice car.

But all that ended. Some years later, Im abroad having a crappy job, no boyfriend, and definitely no car.

I moved away far from home and I think I have wasted a year of my life.

I couldn’t even lose weight during this time.

It is almost the end of January 2019 and the things are not predicted better.

I don’t know what to do.  I know is my Last Card to play. I had planned all in my head, but now that I am here I am alone, bored, broken.

My mom doesn’t want me to return home, not because she doesn’t love me but because she wants  me to succeed here.

I was planning to write what to do.

  1. Study 1 or 2 more years here
  2. Move back home, get a job
  3. Study portuguese in Brasil – Portugal

But it seems, the only plan available is plan 1. Today while talking with my mom, it was a wake up call.

Plus, I guess I could do my Plan 3 during my break, for 1 month at least. It would be fun.

I need to make more money also, and a better job. I need to focus on this.

There’s just plan 1.

 

sounds like a plan ok GIF by Leroy Patterson

Nope, he didnt write me anymore …teens

I think I didn’t write about Dany.

I met him on Sunday during the dinner party of my Argentinian friend. When I was in the bus comuting to the non cheap restaurant I hesitated about going…but I had already agreed to go and I was in the bus already. So, I went.

Then I found the group, Alex was the worst host ever because he didn’t introduced anyone but I sat close to him and Dany. I have seen him before but we didn’t talk that day. As, the ambience was boring I was chatting with Dani.

We hit it off. I guess. He happened to laugh at my gestures and stories. He told me about his trips, I told him about mines. He was impressed. We talked and talked.
People noticed it and sure they were talking about it.

Suddenly, we were just the two of us talking and the rest of the group was on the other side of the table. I didn’t care.i was busy.

I liked him but when I found out his age I thought all was over. So many years of difference, I am way older than him. He told me now you are 25…

We decided to leave because we live close. He told me to walk to the metro station, I agreed, it was raining a bit. He told me his hands were cold, he grabbed mine. He asked me if I had a boyfriend.. I said no, hahaha. I asked the same and he said “of course not, do you think I’m a player.”

He hold my hand during all the walk. He kissed me also. It was not a passionate kiss. It was sweet and shy. I didn’t see they coming. I thought Asian boys were shy.

He told me I was “hermosa”. He kissed my cheeks and forehead I think.
He wanted to take me home but I said it was not necessary since the metro was going to close soon.

I was leaving next day. He told me he would like to see me but it was hard because he had an exam.

We didn’t see.. I don’t know if we will see us again. I hope so.

Finally Free at night Jan 14, 2019

Finally Tadeo is not here. Don’t get me wrong. I like him (sometimes)   I like to fuck him I like when he fucks me, but lately it was not as good as in the beginning. But yesterday, “estabas poseida” he would tell me. I rode him like never before.

I really enjoyed it.

It was nice because this can be our last fuck and it was memorable. What else can I ask for? To be a memory with such a nice night.

I want him to fuck me again, but he was tired and fell asleep. Later, I fell asleep too. I slept well. He left at 5 am.

Today we were meeting in my metro station, but he was “mad” coz I didn’t read his messages while I was online and because I walked fast to cross the street. He was messing with me about crossing the street when I made a serious face then he said now you are “mad” and pum everything exploded, as usual with him. Then he decided to go home and not to mine.

He mention he had things to do that he postpone to come with me. Whaaaaaat? Come on. Its not like I have nothing to do.

Plus, he is not adding anything in my life. We just fight all the time. He explodes for nothing.

Like two days ago, he left my place because I didn’t agree to have a 69, come on! I was still going to blow him and let him lick me.

I said to my self then, this is the second time he throw a tantrum to me..the third is over.

The third happened.  I think its over now.

Its ok not big deal.

On other topic, Josip had a baby …and many problems. His wife is very sick. I feel sorry about them and about the little baby Andrej, I hope they all can be better.

Vikica post pictures of the baby, but what can I say? I wish them the best.

I talked to Julian, he said I need to be more “open” to take more risk about men…to go and talk to them…so I guess I need to do it.