ya no me destruyas mas 23’09’18

Me duele pensar en ti.

Después de tantos años.

Me hace llorar el pensar que lo nuestro nunca será.

Que te vas a casar con alguien que no soy yo.

Que vas a tener un bebé con alguien más.

 

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Finally I see it! 👀

Yesterday I went to a party with Kit and Serge. He is totally in love with her but she even has a British boyfriend, handsome and such… but I didn’t know she and Serg even have sex. 😯😯😯😯😯

She is very pretty. I thought she was just fooling around with him, but it seems its more than that. Even Serge had spent the night in her new flat.

But why?

I think she just uses him, to have fun, to have someone who will take her on trips and such.

Suddenly, I related to that story. He stops talking to her and then she writes and he is back to this endless circle.
It is my story. My stary with Edgar K. I wanted to write him but I didn’t and I shouldn’t. It has been almost a year since the last time we communicated ..after the earthquake.

I finally stop being in his life and he stopped writing me. Sometimes I thought about writing him… telling … you forgot about me.. you are so bad …. Such as Kyt does with Serge now.

I have seen this story.

I told Serge, she uses him for build up her ego. Such as Charlie M. told me some years ago. That I was just using Edg for that.
He was right.

Edgar knew I would never have something serious with him, but then again I was jealous when he was around other girls. Why?
Why do we women do that to nice man?

Serge knows she will never take him seriously. I wonder if Edgar knew or If he deep inside thought we would end up together.
I remember he told me I was the love of his life … he told me he wanted to be my boyfriend and then even marry me. He was nice with me.

I talked Serg …that Kit was not good … I was not good either.

I finally see how bad I was and how Edg could have felt because of me and that was something not to be proud about. 😐😔

I think he is better without me … After seeing how much it hurts for Sergs .. I feel also ashamed of my past behaviour.😔

Prettier than you think

My friend Daniel told me I am prettier than I think I am.

During many time I feel less attractive than the average girls. They were all with nice make up and such.

But I think I am pretty. No, I don’t think .. I am sure.

The other day a customer told me I had a beautiful smile… he liked me … and he was a nice guy, blond and such.

I should have said something else butI just said thanks.

That date also a man was waving at me from a van, haha.

The other day a man randomly in the subway told me in Spanish that I have nice eyes…

The Taiwanese guy told me I had a nice skin colour, haha.

I am an attractive woman .. I must use it or lose it.

I shouldn’t forget it … I am an attractive woman …

I remember the first time Walter saw me. He just saw me and he got caught in my beauty.

and come on, such as attractive guy as Fabio …

and Laf, Sergey, etc.

I am hawt! I must face it!

I feel specially pretty when I wear a strong lipstick. 💄💋

My eyelashes are a problem though. When I put the fake lashes. I think I looked very beautiful.

I remember when I landed in Amsterdam, Sergey saw me and kissed me …

I am beautiful!😉😎☺️😚🤩😘

Did I tell you when I blackout?

It was in QO in the house I shared with some roomies.

It was with Fabio, the super hot brazilian guy.

I don’t remember anything. He told me.

I think that day we went to a club. It was a great night with my gym friends.

Man, I miss those days.

I was so happy such days.

I remember was we were arriving to my home, and he was kissing me and bend me over to a table that was outside, I asked him to stop since, there was a camera my landlord have, hahaha.

My landlord was crazy but he is a good man, a christian guy.

I remember once his little son asked me if I had a boyfriend.. haha.

You see the good thing about writing is that you just keep and keep …

I wanted to talk about the day I blackout while having sex with Fabio and I ended up so far away… my mind is just wandering with not destination.

1st September, 2018

I decided to do something different today and I went to a meet up!

It was OK, not so bad. Many people attended. I met a Mongolian boy who lived in Spain, therefore spoke Spanish. How cool is that?

I also chatted with people from Iran, Mexico, Japan, Korea, etc.

I would have liked to talked to more people. But I didn’t want to move to another table.

Maybe next time.

Later, we went to eat to a Japanese restaurant. I ate gyozas for first time. I didnt have a hard time with the chopsticks, hihi.

Im glad, I didn’t stay home and I went out from my comfort zone. I will keep going.