How do I feel? Friday 29-10-2017

It has been almost a month since I quit my job.

I remember I had a lot of plan of what I could do after quitting.

Well, I have not done so many things as I should have expected.

Why? I am not quite sure.

It is as if I had not enough time. I know it sounds ridiculous, but sometimes I didn’t even have time to hit to the gym.

I realized that not having a “must do” makes me lazy. Why should I wake up early? I dont have a job, so what´s the point?   I have tried it but I didnt success. I am not sure why.

For example, tomorrow I want to wake up early to go for a run, would I succeed? I dont think so was my answer but I think I need to change my mindset. That is? If since the beginning I think I wouldn’t do it, for sure I won’t do it.

I need to change my mindset and start doing all the things I wanna do .

Advertisements

We met again (31th August)

He spent almost a month in Brazil … later he went to Panama. I quit my job meanwhile .. He came back…on Monday … in fact it was already Tuesday. I was monitoring him in the office chat to check if he was online .. therefore in the office. . but he wasn’t .
I didn’t see him on Tuesday. On Wednesday finally I saw him. He asked me: do you have time for coffee with an old friend? I walked to the other building´s cafeteria to see him. There he was …as always, tall and gorgeous … looking great in that blue jacket.

He hugged me … longer than I expected. He gave me a cup he bought for me . . that says ¨Brasil, beleza¨. He said he chose that when he saw the ¨beleza¨ He thinks I say this world too much. Probably, I do since I think that is what Brazilians say.

We sat down in the table and I told him I quit .. I told him my plans and he said finally it seems I had a ¨plan¨ and that I look very happy about it. I was nervous since he asked me before to do a plan about what I wanted to do … business model canvas (BMC) that according to him we can use it for any plan, so my mind would get used to work in a structured way. He is a PM, at the end. He even told me before he wanted to see the plan. It made me feel like he does care about me … in someway.

Anyway, that was on Wednesday. I want to meet him outside the office madly, that day I went to the gym and I finished tired of boxing, plus there was a small flood outside my house, so it would make difficult to go out or return home later. We didn’t meet that day, but we did the next day.

On Thursday it was my last day of work, Chris told me to go out to have some drinks as my farewell party, Memo also wanted this, but I didn’t have time to think about it since I had to pack all my things and also I wanted to spend the night with Fabs.

So, I moved to a place I booked through Airbnb and I was ready to meet Fabs. He was going on Friday early morning, so there was no other chance to meet. We went to place we visited the first time we went out .. yes, that night when I was dunk and he asked me ¨why don’t you kiss me¨. Dinner was nice, I wasn’t really hungry since before I had dinner and tea with my gym mate Pedro, but ok .. all I really wanted was to be with the Brazilian guy. 

We were chatting and drinking honey beer, jeje, and suddenly a girl gave me a paper to write my comments about the service. He asked me, does it say something about the company? Because I haven’t got any kisses .. .DAMN!!! I had to kiss him!! Why I had not kissed him? I don’t know .. maybe I was not sure he would want to continue with our thing … 

Why can he kiss me first? Anyway, we kissed. I love his kisses. 

I went to the bathroom and when I returned to had already asked and paid the bill.

We called an Uber and we went to his house … (probably because I was living in an Airbnb). Finally we arrived, such a nice house where he lives with some Asians guys from the company.

I saw his room, his table was a mess, a lot of papers there. I saw his guitar, he wanted to play something but he hadn’t had time to adjust the guitar strings.

Finally, he had condoms! So, surely he knew we would end up in his room.

That night, I don’t know why, but sex was not that good as last time. 

When we finished, as he always left my place and never stayed, I was not sure if I should go home or what. I think he told me something as please stay, we slept naked in his bed, it was cold due the fan so we were under the blankets. I remember his body touching my body, his arm around me I think, it was a bit uncomfortable for me but Ok i felt asleep.

He set his alarm at 6 but it didn’t ring. 

At 6:10 my alarm started ringing … that alarm I never heard the days I had to wake up to go to work .. that alarm sounded and saved us .. he put his clothes on fast and packed his suitcase and grabbed his guitar …

I told him there was a bus at 7,30 that he could take to the airport.

He said we would ask for an Uber to take him to the bus station and then it can bring me home. 

So, we did it. There he was with his suitcase and his guitar … he really looks good even at 6 am ..

He grabbed my hand during the way to the bus station, for me this was very strange because I always felt wall between us .. maybe he didn’t want to stay too close and thats why he never spent the night at my place. I don’t know … should I spend time to think what he felt? I am not sure, maybe I just need to realize he CARES about me … in his way …but he does. 

We arrived …. He kissed me and he said . see you in M City. 

By WhatsApp we don’t talk that much, in fact, he is not online that much there ..and all the time we spent together …he can stay hours without looking as his cellphone …

So, I don’t wanna write to him anymore, probably we will meet in October, when he returns.  

Brainstorm of him 

Capoeria

The older brother 

Washing car business when young 

Worked in air engineering 

External business of software development 

He said he is an Ugly Brazilian 

Good football player 

He sitting as a God in my chair 

No one can stay next to you in bed and do nothing 

Hates cactus (nopal)

I don’t like girls paying 

Espresso Doble cortado

Difficult to please 

He is not a slave of his mobile phone 

“come to me “

You are dangerous 

Acting weird when we meet in the office in a place that is not the cafeteria

Why don’t you kiss me? 😘😘😘 (first kiss)

This is part of the game, going out, drinks… 

While drinking… Taste this (he wants to kiss me) 

What could go wrong? Everything went wrong… We could even become parents… 

Abacaxi

He likes rocks 

Apple fan

Miami

You are crazier that I thought 

Don’t send me a picture with green hair, I want to remember you as now..

He put my name and a pic of me in a bus picture… he took time for this, this must mean something right?




Love me tender

I think I would have never talked to Wal (The Brazilian guy) if he hadn’t looked at me as he did.

I remember him waving his hand to me and winking to me.

When he wrote me the first time he told me … you are so cute and guapa.

I would never have thought some hours after this chat, we would be in his hotel room … that he was going to love me tender … that he would bath me … with all the tenderness in the world…

he … he was not full of lust for me … he was full of desire to treat me well and he did.

Thats the way a man should treat me .. I should not forget this.

At times I think maybe he does the same with any girl… but why I think this? I should stop thinking that.. he was with him all those days. He could have spent those night with someone else but he was with me …

We all deserve a love that will love us tender … do not forget it.

 

 

 

Pretty woman…

I guess I am a pretty woman … Most of my life I have felt as an average girl or even not pretty enough. Specially, when I see all those girls who wears a lot of make up and wear super fancy clothes.

But, many men have told me many times that I am a very pretty girl …

but Wal … he is always making compliments to me: beautiful, pretty woman, hermosa, delicia.

and through his eyes I can see he means what he says.

We cried together … I saw his eyes watering … He kissed my hand and told me how special I was to him. He said the eyes don’t lie. He said he can see through my eyes that I love him, that I care for him. I thought he was crazy, we had just met some days ago.

We were only together 4 days and 4 nights. I didn’t think much about what we were doing. I was just living the moment and I thought after his departure all would end.

But, he still writes me all the time, he sends me pictures … he asks me to send to him pictures of me .. so, I am becoming a selfie addict since I need to take some pic of me for him.  I like doing it.

I don’t miss him, I didn’t have enough time to become attached to him, but I enjoy all the time we spent together.

I don’t regret about anything, being with him was beautiful. He treated me very nicely, tender. It might sounds crazy, but we didn’t fuck … we made love … and yes, we cried on the bed … I dont know why … maybe because between us  there was something special, different, unique. I felt great with him like I have never felt with another man. It was not about the intercourse (that was delicious too), it was all together . He made me felt loved, like no one did before. He didnt make me feel used at all.

Now I believe I am his pretty woman … I am pretty … I am gorgeous …

More than anything … I am his pretty woman …

 

Pretty woman, walkin’ down the street
Pretty woman the kind I like to meet
Pretty woman I don’t believe you, you’re not the truth
No one could look as good as you, mercy

 

 

This song will always remind me of him … this song is fabolous.

28 April – trip

On 28th April I was going on a trip to the north of my country.  I had to take a bus to arrive to the capital and then we would get involved into the adventure of being 16 hours in a bus to arrive to some natural wonders.

When I was in a line, I saw him because he was behind me. He was such a cute guy.  Some days later I found out other people of the trip called him Harry Potter.

We exchanged some words but I wanted to ask more things like if he was going alone to the trip. But, well I was waiting for my friend Adolf (yes, weird name) to come.

I was wearing some baggy pants black and white that I like so much.

I observed him during the trip. I knew where he was sitting in the bus. I saw him swimming in the pools. I thought he was an biologist or something like that since he seemed some into the water and what was hidden deep down.

I saw him during the breakfast and when he was so happy talking by phone… I thought maybe he was talking with his girlfriend.

So, I was suppose to go back to the water after eating a delicious meat as lunch. I got shy, because the people that was already in the pools was screaming to the people who wanted to go into the water -dive, dive – dive-.

we swam there

I got shy because of that and I did not feel that comfortable in my swimsuit to go walk around the pools before immersing myself. I did not swim more.

I came back to the cabin and I saw him. I wanted to talk to him. He put his earphones on.  He was sleeping in the table … when I saw it was time I went to the table and say HELLO.

I did not know what to say.  He also said random things, like aiming to a cute little boy and asked me – isnt he cute, I want a son like him-  That little boy was great.

Anyway,  we saw we had some things in common as working in other city outside the capital. He showed me some pictures of his Facebook and from there I knew how to find him there.

So, now we knew each other. That night I added him on Facebook, that was our last night in the North and some people wanted to go for a drink. He didnt come.  He felt asleep he told me later.

But ok, next day we were talking a lot. He joined to Adolf and I in our table during the breakfast. We visited a museum and then it was time to leave … again 16 hours in the bus. We talked and laughed in some bus stops.

We finally arrived ad 3-30 am to the capital.  I was waiting for an uber and walked to where He .. Esteban (thats his name) was. … my uber came and I said see you soon, we hug and I left …

He is such a sweetheart, I hope we can see us again.

 

immensity