Finally Free at night Jan 14, 2019

Finally Tadeo is not here. Don’t get me wrong. I like him (sometimes)   I like to fuck him I like when he fucks me, but lately it was not as good as in the beginning. But yesterday, “estabas poseida” he would tell me. I rode him like never before.

I really enjoyed it.

It was nice because this can be our last fuck and it was memorable. What else can I ask for? To be a memory with such a nice night.

I want him to fuck me again, but he was tired and fell asleep. Later, I fell asleep too. I slept well. He left at 5 am.

Today we were meeting in my metro station, but he was “mad” coz I didn’t read his messages while I was online and because I walked fast to cross the street. He was messing with me about crossing the street when I made a serious face then he said now you are “mad” and pum everything exploded, as usual with him. Then he decided to go home and not to mine.

He mention he had things to do that he postpone to come with me. Whaaaaaat? Come on. Its not like I have nothing to do.

Plus, he is not adding anything in my life. We just fight all the time. He explodes for nothing.

Like two days ago, he left my place because I didn’t agree to have a 69, come on! I was still going to blow him and let him lick me.

I said to my self then, this is the second time he throw a tantrum to me..the third is over.

The third happened.  I think its over now.

Its ok not big deal.

On other topic, Josip had a baby …and many problems. His wife is very sick. I feel sorry about them and about the little baby Andrej, I hope they all can be better.

Vikica post pictures of the baby, but what can I say? I wish them the best.

I talked to Julian, he said I need to be more “open” to take more risk about men…to go and talk to them…so I guess I need to do it.

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Soy hermosa… 17/12/2018

Hoy llegando a España había un niño rubio que me recordó a Cédric, creo que el también me vio y nuestras miradas se cruzaron dos o tres veces.

Después mientras comía en un restaurante vi a un chavo subir unas escaleras lo seguí con la mirada y el me volteó a ver un par de veces.

Pero hoy en el super, otra vez, en Portugal, pasó lo que pasó hace un par de años. Cuando yo pienso que le guste a un chico de cabellos negros en el super.. Pero nada pasó, pues yo solo iba de paso.

Hoy vi a un policía, y el me vio, después pasó a mi lado, yo estaba sola, así que me dijo algo… Quizás hola 😏, entonces vi que tenía unos increíbles ojos azules. Después me siguió hacia los perfumes, pero yo estaba con mi familia.

Me encantan los portugueses, y parece que a los lusófonos les gusto yo. 😎😎😎😎

Depression is stalking me … 11 OCT 2018

Everything started by him telling he was going to marry.

I concludedI the day and I was right.

I thought it would not affect me, and even by knowing the day. I felt OK.

Some days later, I found of some of my colleagues went out together and as usual, they didnt invite me.

To be honest, it touched me, and I refused to go to the party they had on Sunday night.

I stayed at home thinking about excused I could make for not going… That was like seeing an old picture of my life…

On Saturday I didn’t have volunteer so I could rest and I got better for my flu.

I decided to go to the English cafe with Yumi and it was nice. I met a handsome Chinese guy and a Turkish guy.

But we didn’t go to dinner so I came back home early, during the commuting some drunk guy introduced himself to me .. I was nervous because I don’t like to deal with such people, they can be dangerous I think, but I got off in the next station.

  

On Monday, I went to work as usual … but after leaving my job place I took the bus and I couldn’t help myself .. and I started crying.

Why?

So many emotions were in my heart hiding… and I think I know why …

For the rejection I felt from my coworkers … It did hurt me …

For his wedding …. It did hurt me

My trainers stolen outside my house … It doesn’t hurt, but it was not a good think.

For my pitiful raise of 2.75% that is around 0.35 Cents. … a fucking joke…

All these hurt me …  even if I act as it doesn’t.

I saw a picture of the wedding through Vikis WhatsApp status.

I started searching for wedding ideas, thinking my wedding would be much better than his.

But what If? What If I never married?

I talked to him yesterday, I felt envy for everything he got for me… and how I did not get anything.

I know it is not a good feeling.

I really think I must stop talking to him.. It won’t take me to anywhere.

What happen …happens .

You know, I think if his girlfriend were not pregnant we could be together and today I thought.. Why you didn’t wait for me?

It is over.

he wrote me in his wedding day:

Wish me luck laf. And one thing I can and will promise you on this day. I will always love you and keep ur place in my heart and if u will want it, you will have me in ur life… God bless you 🙅‍♂

idiot …  I should get away …

23 June The best version

Today I was listening to the meditation of Deepak Chopra.

He was talking about success …and what is really that?

I believe success is to be true to yourself and do what makes you happy.

So, What am I on Earth for?

I discovered this a couple of months or maybe years ago… I came to this world to SERVE, to help … but this is very broad … I am working to make it more precise, I am here to support people who feel sad, to encourage them.

I am here to hug the ones who feel lonely, because I have felt lonely before.

But now, I want to be the best version of me, to be a real example for others of how to be the best version of theirselves.

today, Saturday 23 of June, I will make this my goal, to encourage others to be the best by being an example of this.

how am I going to attain this?

-Getting a fit body, for health more than beauty

-Daiting the boy I like. I will invite him out. If not, it is fine.

-Letting the past go. Bye Laf, Good Bless you.

-I will be a friend of my friends.

-Getting the job I want.  I deserve the job I want, I willl apply, I won’t be scared.

I can be the best version of me and everybody else can.

I want my life to be a living proof that everything is possible, an example. I want to encourage people.

Todo lo que hicimos nos trajo aquí .. esta es tu vida

Hoy 26 de mayo de 2018, después de hablar platicado durante horas con JZ decido que aquí termina nuestro capítulo de amor incompleto.

Te perdono JZ y me perdono.

Por todo lo que nos hicimos, lo que nos fallamos, lo que nos engañamos, lo que nos herimos, lo que nos mentimos.

Te perdono por romperme el corazón, te perdono por todo, por que ya es pasado.

Por que yo también fallé, porque no te valore y ni me valoraste.

Porque éramos jóvenes e inmaduros, porque nunca supimos qué hacer.

Te perdono porque continuas tu vida sin mi, me perdono por no haber arriesgado todo por ti.

Me perdono por no haberte dicho NO antes.

Me perdono por no saber si te amo o no.

Ahora lloró porque lo nuestro se acabo, pero de alguna manera siempre estaremos conectado por todo el cariño que nos queda.

Te perdono y te dejo ir.

Me perdono y doy permiso de irme y ser feliz.

Quiero que seas feliz .. quiero ser feliz.

Ahora sólo somos amigos, no volveremos a estar juntos románticamente y eso está bien.

No somos el uno para el otro, pero somos importantes el uno para el otro.

Sólo nos queda aprender de nuestros errores, no volverlos a cometer y saber que todo lo que nos pasa es lo mejor que nos puede pasar, es lo que elegimos y al final todo tiene un por qué.

Dios sabe el por qué de las cosas.

No sabemos de lo que nos está librando.

Hoy 26 de mayo de 2018, después de hablar platicado durante horas con JZ decido que aquí termina nuestro capítulo de amor incompleto.

Te perdono JZ y me perdono.

Por todo lo que nos hicimos, lo que nos fallamos, lo que nos engañamos, lo que nos herimos, lo que nos mentimos.

Te perdono por romperme el corazón, te perdono por todo, por que ya es pasado.

Por que yo también fallé, porque no te valore y ni me valoraste.

Porque éramos jóvenes e inmaduros, porque nunca supimos qué hacer.

Te perdono porque continuas tu vida sin mi, me perdono por no haber arriesgado todo por ti.

Me perdono por no haberte dicho NO antes.

Me perdono por no saber si te amo o no.

Ahora lloró porque lo nuestro se acabo, pero de alguna manera siempre estaremos conectado por todo el cariño que nos queda.

Te perdono y te dejo ir.

Me perdono y doy permiso de irme y ser feliz.

Quiero que seas feliz .. quiero ser feliz.

Ahora sólo somos amigos, no volveremos a estar juntos románticamente y eso está bien.

No somos el uno para el otro, pero somos importantes el uno para el otro.

Sólo nos queda aprender de nuestros errores, no volverlos a cometer y saber que todo lo que nos pasa es lo mejor que nos puede pasar, es lo que elegimos y al final todo tiene un por qué.

Dios sabe el por qué de las cosas.

No sabemos de lo que nos está librando.

 

Final

This should be the second or maybe the third time I think I might die…

The first could be when I was in a low cost flight from Amsterdam to Prague. The flight attendant went row by row to ask us to turn off all our devices. Airplane mode wasn’t enough. We had to turn off our devices that was weird. Sergey was in panic because he hates flying, but we landed well.

So I won’t count this experience then.

So, the first time I thought “that’s it” was when a big earthquake hit my city in 2017. Some days before there was an earthquake too. I usually not afraid of earth movements but I was starting to panic because this was taking too long.

Luckily, it stopped. It was just a preparation for what was coming.

I think it was a Thursday, I was in the gym when I started feeling something was moving. I looked at the guy who was cleaning and he just agreed with his eyes to my doubt that it was tembling.

We rapidly left the gym, but we had to leave one by one thru a small space. Then in the stairs an old lady was being helped to go down. So the rest of all we were after her. In that moment I thought that’s it, my end. I wanted to cry. I was about crying. Then I came back to sanity and we were safely on the ground.

After this experience. I had nervous issues for almost a month.

The second time, was today during my flight. The crew told us there were gonna be turbulence, but it was really scary. The first thought that came to my mind was my mom. She would be destroyed if something happened to me. If something happened I would like my mom to carry on, maybe “adopt” one of my old friends like a daughter. I love my mom and I would like her to be happy even without me.

My eyes watered. This time I felt sad by leaving my mom behind. Last time, we were in such a hurry that we didn’t have time to be nostalgic.

I love my mom, but I think I should tell her that if someday I’m not with her, she should enjoy life, spend her money, help the poor.

😊