Like Icarus

In life like Icarus ..

we shouldn’t fly

neither too low nor too high

 

so the sea’s dampness would not clog your wings or the sun’s heat melt them

 

Image result for icarus

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23 June The best version

Today I was listening to the meditation of Deepak Chopra.

He was talking about success …and what is really that?

I believe success is to be true to yourself and do what makes you happy.

So, What am I on Earth for?

I discovered this a couple of months or maybe years ago… I came to this world to SERVE, to help … but this is very broad … I am working to make it more precise, I am here to support people who feel sad, to encourage them.

I am here to hug the ones who feel lonely, because I have felt lonely before.

But now, I want to be the best version of me, to be a real example for others of how to be the best version of theirselves.

today, Saturday 23 of June, I will make this my goal, to encourage others to be the best by being an example of this.

how am I going to attain this?

-Getting a fit body, for health more than beauty

-Daiting the boy I like. I will invite him out. If not, it is fine.

-Letting the past go. Bye Laf, Good Bless you.

-I will be a friend of my friends.

-Getting the job I want.  I deserve the job I want, I willl apply, I won’t be scared.

I can be the best version of me and everybody else can.

I want my life to be a living proof that everything is possible, an example. I want to encourage people.

Todo lo que hicimos nos trajo aqu√≠ .. esta es tu vida

Hoy 26 de mayo de 2018, después de hablar platicado durante horas con JZ decido que aquí termina nuestro capítulo de amor incompleto.

Te perdono JZ y me perdono.

Por todo lo que nos hicimos, lo que nos fallamos, lo que nos enga√Īamos, lo que nos herimos, lo que nos mentimos.

Te perdono por romperme el corazón, te perdono por todo, por que ya es pasado.

Por que yo también fallé, porque no te valore y ni me valoraste.

Porque éramos jóvenes e inmaduros, porque nunca supimos qué hacer.

Te perdono porque continuas tu vida sin mi, me perdono por no haber arriesgado todo por ti.

Me perdono por no haberte dicho NO antes.

Me perdono por no saber si te amo o no.

Ahora llor√≥ porque lo nuestro se acabo, pero de alguna manera siempre estaremos conectado por todo el cari√Īo que nos queda.

Te perdono y te dejo ir.

Me perdono y doy permiso de irme y ser feliz.

Quiero que seas feliz .. quiero ser feliz.

Ahora sólo somos amigos, no volveremos a estar juntos románticamente y eso está bien.

No somos el uno para el otro, pero somos importantes el uno para el otro.

Sólo nos queda aprender de nuestros errores, no volverlos a cometer y saber que todo lo que nos pasa es lo mejor que nos puede pasar, es lo que elegimos y al final todo tiene un por qué.

Dios sabe el por qué de las cosas.

No sabemos de lo que nos est√° librando.

Hoy 26 de mayo de 2018, después de hablar platicado durante horas con JZ decido que aquí termina nuestro capítulo de amor incompleto.

Te perdono JZ y me perdono.

Por todo lo que nos hicimos, lo que nos fallamos, lo que nos enga√Īamos, lo que nos herimos, lo que nos mentimos.

Te perdono por romperme el corazón, te perdono por todo, por que ya es pasado.

Por que yo también fallé, porque no te valore y ni me valoraste.

Porque éramos jóvenes e inmaduros, porque nunca supimos qué hacer.

Te perdono porque continuas tu vida sin mi, me perdono por no haber arriesgado todo por ti.

Me perdono por no haberte dicho NO antes.

Me perdono por no saber si te amo o no.

Ahora llor√≥ porque lo nuestro se acabo, pero de alguna manera siempre estaremos conectado por todo el cari√Īo que nos queda.

Te perdono y te dejo ir.

Me perdono y doy permiso de irme y ser feliz.

Quiero que seas feliz .. quiero ser feliz.

Ahora sólo somos amigos, no volveremos a estar juntos románticamente y eso está bien.

No somos el uno para el otro, pero somos importantes el uno para el otro.

Sólo nos queda aprender de nuestros errores, no volverlos a cometer y saber que todo lo que nos pasa es lo mejor que nos puede pasar, es lo que elegimos y al final todo tiene un por qué.

Dios sabe el por qué de las cosas.

No sabemos de lo que nos est√° librando.

 

Final

This should be the second or maybe the third time I think I might die…

The first could be when I was in a low cost flight from Amsterdam to Prague. The flight attendant went row by row to ask us to turn off all our devices. Airplane mode wasn’t enough. We had to turn off our devices that was weird. Sergey was in panic because he hates flying, but we landed well.

So I won’t count this experience then.

So, the first time I thought “that’s it” was when a big earthquake hit my city in 2017. Some days before there was an earthquake too. I usually not afraid of earth movements but I was starting to panic because this was taking too long.

Luckily, it stopped. It was just a preparation for what was coming.

I think it was a Thursday, I was in the gym when I started feeling something was moving. I looked at the guy who was cleaning and he just agreed with his eyes to my doubt that it was tembling.

We rapidly left the gym, but we had to leave one by one thru a small space. Then in the stairs an old lady was being helped to go down. So the rest of all we were after her. In that moment I thought that’s it, my end. I wanted to cry. I was about crying. Then I came back to sanity and we were safely on the ground.

After this experience. I had nervous issues for almost a month.

The second time, was today during my flight. The crew told us there were gonna be turbulence, but it was really scary. The first thought that came to my mind was my mom. She would be destroyed if something happened to me. If something happened I would like my mom to carry on, maybe “adopt” one of my old friends like a daughter. I love my mom and I would like her to be happy even without me.

My eyes watered. This time I felt sad by leaving my mom behind. Last time, we were in such a hurry that we didn’t have time to be nostalgic.

I love my mom, but I think I should tell her that if someday I’m not with her, she should enjoy life, spend her money, help the poor.

ūüėä

It¬īs over .. adi√≥s

Today I had a dream about Josef, I dreamt he came to see me, he was looking very good and I told him something like I almost don talk to you because I dont want to know that you have someone else in your life, I cant stand that. I cant see you happy with someone else.

After my dream I wrote to him that we should meet. I thought we could meet again before deciding if we belong together or not. His answer were not so clear. He told me he had someone now (as I thought) and that even she might be pregnant now.

That¬īs all.

All I needed to now. It is over.

Maybe God is saving me from something. I remember many things I didnt like about Josef, like his lack of ambition.

I think is better this way.

I cried, yes I did. I won¬īt deny it.

Maybe is my fear of staying alone forever. But I shouldnt see people as an option.

Yesterday, José wrote me and told me he got divorced and that we would love to see me .. maybe from there was that I dreamt about Josef.

He never told me personal details of his life .. I did … I told him about the brazilians, etc.

He just told me once he would marry one girl there. When he was drunk a couple of times he sent me messages saying I am the one that I should go fast or all is over.

But now all is over.

It is ok, so I don¬īt see him as an option.

And now I’m glad I didn’t know¬†
The way it all would end the way it all would go 
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain 
But I’d have to miss the dance¬†

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote.

Wednesday, May 16

Last time I wrote, I was “in love” of Fabs, the Brazilian guy. Months have passed since then. And today I talked with him, hehe.

At the moment I’m not romantically involved with any man. Sadly or wisely.

I moved to Canada in January 2nd.

I remember I used to be concerned about how it would be before I was applying for my study program. But I did it and I have been here for four months already.

Time flies.

At school I made a friend from my city but in February she started dating with a Swiss guy from our class, now they are in a relationship and we don’t hang out anymore. During all January we used to hang out practically every weekend and sometimes after class. Thanks to her I joined the gym.

Later, I met other friends. I think, tho I am not sure if they can be called friends and I don’t Care.

This was my chance to start again but I think I haven’t changed a lot or maybe I did.

Later I made friends of my roommates that are mostly from my same country and from a young girl from Vietnam. She is still a teenager so sometimes she is annoying hehe.

I started worked at a restaurant. OMG! I hate when I have to go, but I haven’t gone in 3 days and I already missed it.

Yesterday, I decided to go to my work party in the south of the province. OMG, it was so far away. I arrived late because I had to go to school, but I am glad I went to the party.

I met my Brazilian coworker in the last subway station and then we took a bus and walked and got lost so finally at 17hrs we made it.

I got surprised this girl is just 19 yo, this is crazy I am so much older than her..  :O

I spent a nice time even if I just stayed few hours to the party. At the end, a girl wanted to leave and I said, ok I can go with you. Which, was a good decision so I actually arrived faster to my home and I had to chanced to talk to her. She is older than me, and she is also here studying and well, she is living and facing the same things I am.

Something, Eduard told me before was that we need friends of our age or older and that is totally fine. I mostly hang with younger people but I need friends of my age or older, so I can grow up more .

I miss you

I noticed today was Fab¬īs birthday and I decided to congratulate him.

He said he misses me.

I wonder if he does. .. maybe he does because he has not a reason to say it if he doesn’t feel this way.

He is in my hometown now I told her I am going this weekend. But I dont think we are going to meet. I dont care now.

Maybe because I didn’t get fit as I wanted, but also because I got over him a lot time ago.

But he is my friend still and I like him and I think maybe he didn’t lie to me and I am special to him.¬† He is 38 yo now, but he is still hot as fire.