No creo en nada, pero quiero creer en vos.
Quiero creer que lo mejor siempre está por venir.
Quiero creer en vos.
Quiero creer en nosotros y el futuro.
I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.
I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?
I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him his surname.
So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe
Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later.
I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.
But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I would ever meet again Fab.
I have been thinking a lot about him lately. I should stop it.
I don’t want to think about you.
I’m not in love with him. I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.
No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go …
Now go away of my thoughts…
I don’t remember when was the last time I cried. I thought I would cry when Sergey left in the airport, I thought about stopping him and said “come on, do a proper farewell with a hug and a long kiss” but I didn’t. I left him leave.
I saw he turned but I walked away, why should I stay there seeing him passing migration?
Anyway, he and I had irresponsible and unprotected sex once. I guess it was in Prague but my mind tricks me to think it was in Budapest.
I came back home and January is gone as my period. During all January there is not a hint of where my period is. After around ten days I got a bit anxious and finally bought a pregnancy test.
I was nervous but I handled it. I have been thinking about my baby and how he would change my life forever. But the result was negative. I was disappointed. Sergey would be a great dad. I always felt nice and secure next to him . And if we didn’t fall in love I think we would if we spend more time together. Maybe. But I doubt we would even meet again…
I cried and I realized how much I want to be a mother. I told myself someday I would have a baby and a loving husband. I hope so.
I also noticed I don’t have a friend to Share this important moment.
So I can change now that I know I’m not pregnant. I could do things I wouldn’t be able to do with a baby.
Tho a baby is not an excuse to live and enjoy life. It is not my time now.
Everytime I more sure that even if I don’t get married I would dare to be a mother.
Jos talked to me, he said that we should start acting as single since we are both in different countries. I said he was right.
Maybe he had an urge to get laid with that girl from his college, maybe he is just tired.
He deserves to be happy and I would like him to spend his bday being loved, hugged, kissed, even if it’s by other girl.
There is no need to run for happiness.
At job, Charly and I will quit next month. He wants to go first but I am worried that it would look suspicious if I quit some days later…
Rosa told me I was a key member… Key member that haven’t got a rise since July 2013 and that works, works and works….
It need to be done. I don’t wanna keep all the workload without Charlie and my flight to Portugal is ready.
I dreamt I was with a fortune teller and that she told me my future was in the UK, but that I shouldn’t believe I could make it on my own, like getting a job wouldn´t be easy, but that I have the support of my mom and that I should be nice with her, controlling my madness.