Ego 

He is alwaysthere for me . 

He said I am the love of his life. I told him he was crazy. 

Today he is not here for me and that’s OK. I guess I never expected this day. I thought he would always be waiting for me. 

I don’t feel sad but it is a punch to my ego. 

Maybe finally as I always wanted I got rid of him. 

I planned to stop seeing him by the excuse that he forgot my birthday. 

He has been in love with me for years. 

We see each other for a while and I get bored of him and stop talking to him for months. Then we start again, an endless circle.

I like him, but I don’t love him. I can’t see my future with him. I like the way he dresses and the way he smells, but that’s all. 

He once said he wanted me to be his girlfriend and later marry me.  

He had those puppy eyes while saying it.  I guess inside of me I just laughed. I was mean I guess))) 

I suppose we can be friends, I’m not sure if he wants .  Maybe finally he got over me and if he did I just can say he do the right thing.

I am just not good for him.

Wait, I remember he always hides me things and many people told me he is not the good boy that he shows he is to me. Maybe he hides his real self.  Maybe I don’t know who he is.

I foram still waiting  for his answer. 

I guess it is better this way. 

Goodbye crazy in love boy….

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Men will be men 

On Saturday I decided to go to Six Flags because I had a free pass for a friend and I was supposed to give it to Anna.  

Well, that girl didn’t even bother in answering tru WhatsApp or anything and at the end she didn’t come. 

That’s bothered me a bit because I was feeling sick but still went because of her. 

She is not trustworthy. Also, twice she  has asked me to buy her some snacks and didn’t pay for them. Grr. I must stop lending money. 

Anyway. Luis and his friends arrived late to the meeting point. I learnt we must value more others time. My friend panda was already there.  I arrived some minutes late. 

I also started disliking a bit Luigi, I must keep a bit distance. 

Panda was telling me about a guy who just married.  The newlyweds, both, work in our company. On Friday night they attended to a party and the groom was caught shagging another girl from the office. This other girl is such an ugly slut according to my sources. 

Just 15 days after the wedding the bride found his now husband with other. What an ugly situation. 

Panda asked me what would I do in such case. He said we would divorce immediately. I wasn’t sure about my answer.  But I think I would do the same. 

I can’t even forget Josep’s betrayal with that Korean girl, even when I’m not sure if something happened between there.  

I am not sure if monogamy is possible. But I am sure that confidence is glass and once broken is gone.

It’s been three years now when I caught Josep’s messages with the Korean girl. I am not sure of what happened between them. It Hurt me a lot. I became crazy 😡. I cried, I scratched him I scratched myself 😥

I think if I were the bride I would become crazy. And I would leave him.  If he can do that 15 days after the wedding no doubt he would do worse things later 

Ahhh!!  Men will be men. 

central american men

Yes, other man in my list.

So, we work together … online, since he we lived in different countries.

I don’t remember how come he ended up in my whatsapp list.

So, since almost one year I work with him. I remember once he has the picture of he and a girl and I asked if she was his girlfriend. He said she was.

Other day, I was confusing about love and I remember he told me that when he/she is the one, you just know it and that he was sure his girlfriend was the one.

We used to talk and he was always inviting me to his country. I replied his girlfriend would kill me.  He said they had many problems, that she is too difficult and probably by December he would have no girlfriend.

What a liar! HE really knows how to play his cards.

So, we met in Panama. Destiny? Probably. I was flying to my country and he was flying to Amsterdam.  The chances were minimal but we met. I saw him in fact. and I double thought about saying HI or not. While thinking my body already walked towards him and said: hey it’s me … Samantha!!!!

I was nervous, he looked more handsome in person that in the many pictures of him that I stalked  hahaha .

I felt shy because I wasn’t looking great. We had a beer and later we said bye. We stayed together like 1 hour. After this he started his way to Amsterdam and I my way to home and later to China. When I arrived to HK I met Ana. We spent the night there and next day we travelled to continental China.

On Sunday afternoon we arrived to SZ. I texted him telling we were already in the training city. He came and I greeted him normally but he grabbed me close to him. It was a bit strange for me, but then I knew, he wasn’t indifferent towards me.

On Monday he wanted to take a selfie with me 🙂 I don’t remember if that day he came to my hotel room and instead sitting on my chair he lied on my bed … hmm ok I thought.

On Tuesday he said he needed my help for some work issues. He came and we finished working in 5 minutes. Later he went to smoke in the balcony and told me to go with him. We talked for an hour, and it was obviously he was going to kiss me.  He finally did. It was a warm night, it was very cool. We came in and we kept kissing … We spent the night together … but no, we didn’t shag.  All was very nice.

We slept together 3 night. The second night he wanted to shag me, but I refused since we didn’t have condoms and plus my period… maybe I was lucky we didn’t shag.

Later, it was time to go to HK and Beijing, where I shared room with Ana and He with Diogo. We didn’t have the chance to sleep together again, but we were kissing and touching when no one was seeing. It was fun.

After 11 days together he had to go back home. We said BYE in the airport, all of the team. And his goodbye was too casual. So, I thought all started in China and all finished there. But when I came back he kept writing me and calling my ¨love¨ and such.

We continue chatting, talking and seeing us in video. The things became hot but it was a time when I didn’t feel comfortable and I was about to tell him, If you want to shag instead bothering me by text you should go and shag your girlfriend. Dammit, I knew it, he has a girlfriend. I knew this have to end. So, This weekend he told me he fought with his girlfriend because she didn’t want to meet his son. Yeah, he has a girlfriend, but also a baby boy who was conceived when he still has a girlfriend (as I understand).

WOW, he is really a bad news, right? Anyway, It put all in perspective. I like him and he is my friend and that is how things should stay.  🙂

What I learnt from this is that …men cheat … I wonder if there are men who don’t cheat. I’m not sure.

No, what I really learnt is what I want in a man .. many characteristics that he has, besides not being Brad Pitt he is handsome, has style, dress nicely, has dream, a proper job, ambitions, has the photo of his gf in his wallet and phone.

Many things that he has I hope to find it in a boy who loves me…