Como esquecer o beijo que você me deu?

We were making love with Brazilian music as background.

he was inside me when this song started.. and he started singing this part:

Como eu quero
De novo um beijo seu muito gostoso
Do jeito que ‘cê faz é carinhoso
Por isso eu quero suas mãos em mim
Como eu quero
O cheiro de amor que vem chegando
Trazendo o seu corpo só pra mim


I love this song now… and it will always remind me of my handsome Brazilian man.


Blue eyes, lost heart 

I have a thing for blondes I can’t deny it. 

In fact I have a thing for men in general. 

I saw him for the first time in my hotel. I was having lunch and he arrived to the dinning room, I can notice through his accent he was from Russia. He was blonde with blue eyes. 

And yes, later I saw him in my office. 

By the way, we were in Argentina. 

Two souls far away from home.

I heard some stuff he was saying. Sometimes was greeting our Asians colleagues he greeted me also in Spanish.)))

We sat face to face. Kinda. There was Just a  Chinese guy between us)))) but I could see him all day. It was like there was not fthis Chinese guy. 

I remember his first day in the office he seemed uncomfortable and asking himself “what the hell am I doing here?”. I could related with those feelings I was thinking and feeling the same.

Anyway, I went on vacations for a week. I never talked to him 

Finally, it was my week in Argentina. It was a rainy day. I was almost arriving our office but the red light stopped me. I looked around and Vladi was there…. 

I kept looking ahead but he walked to me and start talking to me.  Yeah such a small thing made my day tho I was leaving so soon……. 

It’s been a long time 

It’s being a long time since I don’t write anything.  

I am just too stuck in my daily life, specially in my work. 

Nothing has really changed. I haven’t seen Josep for more than a year and I don’t miss him. I think I never missed him. 

For a long time I thought he was the one but I think everything was broken after his mistake of the first year.

I was remembering that during the second year it was when I met this other guy in the bus… This meeting didn’t go further… But I thought it would.  And I was ready to leave everything to start all over again.  Why didn’t I do it?  I’m not sure.  I suppose it has always been hard for me to let go…

This second year we only were together for one month. I don’t remember much about this time. It was all very fast. 

Then my mind and heart were wandering, but I still put my money for a new try and we spent together other three months. 

It has been one of a half year since then. And I tend to forget things, but I don’t want to forget this: I felt like I was on a marriage that after years is doll and that I still had to act as a loving and caring wife.. I lost my desire.  I remember I wanted to sleep but he.. He and his desires didn’t allow me.  I was angry but he was going to stay more days and I didn’t want them to be more unbearable.

It sucks . I don’t remember but I think I even wanted the days to go faster to recover my peace. 

In 2012. I cried when he left.  But I was still angry, disappointed, full of resentment. 

Now in 2015, I thought seriously about going to his country. But why? Maybe I’m just  bored and it’s a safe place. 

But dammit it’s the same a safe place. Then I will never grow uP.

I just need to get away of  everything .  As I always wanted. 

I need to go… And be sure there will always be Paris and many guys called Pierre. 🤔

central american men

Yes, other man in my list.

So, we work together … online, since he we lived in different countries.

I don’t remember how come he ended up in my whatsapp list.

So, since almost one year I work with him. I remember once he has the picture of he and a girl and I asked if she was his girlfriend. He said she was.

Other day, I was confusing about love and I remember he told me that when he/she is the one, you just know it and that he was sure his girlfriend was the one.

We used to talk and he was always inviting me to his country. I replied his girlfriend would kill me.  He said they had many problems, that she is too difficult and probably by December he would have no girlfriend.

What a liar! HE really knows how to play his cards.

So, we met in Panama. Destiny? Probably. I was flying to my country and he was flying to Amsterdam.  The chances were minimal but we met. I saw him in fact. and I double thought about saying HI or not. While thinking my body already walked towards him and said: hey it’s me … Samantha!!!!

I was nervous, he looked more handsome in person that in the many pictures of him that I stalked  hahaha .

I felt shy because I wasn’t looking great. We had a beer and later we said bye. We stayed together like 1 hour. After this he started his way to Amsterdam and I my way to home and later to China. When I arrived to HK I met Ana. We spent the night there and next day we travelled to continental China.

On Sunday afternoon we arrived to SZ. I texted him telling we were already in the training city. He came and I greeted him normally but he grabbed me close to him. It was a bit strange for me, but then I knew, he wasn’t indifferent towards me.

On Monday he wanted to take a selfie with me 🙂 I don’t remember if that day he came to my hotel room and instead sitting on my chair he lied on my bed … hmm ok I thought.

On Tuesday he said he needed my help for some work issues. He came and we finished working in 5 minutes. Later he went to smoke in the balcony and told me to go with him. We talked for an hour, and it was obviously he was going to kiss me.  He finally did. It was a warm night, it was very cool. We came in and we kept kissing … We spent the night together … but no, we didn’t shag.  All was very nice.

We slept together 3 night. The second night he wanted to shag me, but I refused since we didn’t have condoms and plus my period… maybe I was lucky we didn’t shag.

Later, it was time to go to HK and Beijing, where I shared room with Ana and He with Diogo. We didn’t have the chance to sleep together again, but we were kissing and touching when no one was seeing. It was fun.

After 11 days together he had to go back home. We said BYE in the airport, all of the team. And his goodbye was too casual. So, I thought all started in China and all finished there. But when I came back he kept writing me and calling my ¨love¨ and such.

We continue chatting, talking and seeing us in video. The things became hot but it was a time when I didn’t feel comfortable and I was about to tell him, If you want to shag instead bothering me by text you should go and shag your girlfriend. Dammit, I knew it, he has a girlfriend. I knew this have to end. So, This weekend he told me he fought with his girlfriend because she didn’t want to meet his son. Yeah, he has a girlfriend, but also a baby boy who was conceived when he still has a girlfriend (as I understand).

WOW, he is really a bad news, right? Anyway, It put all in perspective. I like him and he is my friend and that is how things should stay.  🙂

What I learnt from this is that …men cheat … I wonder if there are men who don’t cheat. I’m not sure.

No, what I really learnt is what I want in a man .. many characteristics that he has, besides not being Brad Pitt he is handsome, has style, dress nicely, has dream, a proper job, ambitions, has the photo of his gf in his wallet and phone.

Many things that he has I hope to find it in a boy who loves me…

I am in love

Finally I stopped being obsessed with Rock. 

I took me so much time, but now I am healed.

I confess we could have done so many things, but we did nothing.

Such things happen. I hope he is fine.

Quings seems to finally accept the fact I am not for him, and he has stopped bothering me. I always said  this would end. I didn’t want to be mean, but he is not the one for me.

but I don’t wanna be rude, so I will keep in touch with him.

Plus, I forgot we went on a long weekend trip together and he was a mess… and I don’t wanna repeat the experience we had together …it was just … no what I expected.

I am in love with other king of man …

with a classy, polite, smart, elegant, gentle guy …

A guy who open the doors for a girl, who respects her and wants to protect her ..

a man I am still looking for…

he is somewhere … I need to be ready …to be the best of me …so when I find him…he will find me

Poem he showed me

usted sabe 
puede contar 
no hasta dos 
o hasta diez 
sino contar 

si alguna vez 
que la miro a los ojos 
y una veta de amor 
reconoce en los míos 
no alerte sus fusiles 
ni piense qué delirio 
a pesar de la veta 
o tal vez porque existe 
usted puede contar 

si otras veces 
me encuentra 
huraño sin motivo 
no piense qué flojera 
igual puede contar 

pero hagamos un trato 
yo quisiera contar 
con usted 

es tan lindo 
saber que usted existe 
uno se siente vivo 
y cuando digo esto 
quiero decir contar 
aunque sea hasta dos 
aunque sea hasta cinco 
no ya para que acuda 
presurosa en mi auxilio 
sino para saber 
a ciencia cierta 
que usted sabe que puede 
contar conmigo.

M.  Benedetti

secret everywhere

we all have secrets, and since you have gone I have behave well, but I cant confess I needed some fun.

Nope, I didnt shag any one.

I just went to beer factory and after 3 litres of beer made out with a ¨friend¨ was weird since he is a virgin and you can notice it even in the kisses, after that night, he apologized with me and we talk less now. ITs a shance since he is a nice guy, but OK, since I dont want anything serious with him.

I came back to past and met K… but he is, I dont know, simply not for me, I hope he can get a girlfriend and get over me. I cant blame him for beign so  in love, but come one after so much time that I didnt even speak to him, how come he is still in love?? weird guy… 

the new guy at work, its someone I could fall in love with, but we are coworkers and my love is coming back to town, so all will be ok.

ohh Rock…well nothing to say about that ass… I never saw him again …and thats ok.

After all, I think my Josef is the one …we will see it.