many things have changed … nothing changed….
I am still here, in the same room, with the same people and … yet alone.
Josef left 2 or 3 weeks ago, I cant even remember exactly the date. I thought I would be devastated, I was not.
We spent almost 3 months together, we fought less, we had a better time but I noticed what I noticed last year…. something was missed … I still care about him, love him … but not the same love I felt the first times we met.
He screw it up. I screw it up and suddenly I was not anymore that girl …that girl in love with that gorgeous guy. I did love him like I never loved before, but something happened at the end … his mistakes, my mistakes … changed me.
I dont know if he still feel the same way about me …he says he does, but he confessed he knows I dont love him anymore. I do love him, but not as before, not as he deserves.
again, I was thinking in other things, in the stupid Rock for example, but finally I deleted him from my skype and it means he is deleted from my life too. He was again rude with me … me greeting him and he just trying to get rid of me…why it did take me so long to realize HE WAS NOT INTO ME???? I was so stupid.
I mean I know I must go after what I want but if he doesn’t react, then he is a dumb ass or not into me …and both are perfectly fine … I can move on, need to move on.
So, men, men, men, it is always about men …about love.
So far, Rock is gone, Josef is going to his homeland and I dont know when I will meet him again.
During his time here, he got wasted and puked 3 times in our tent, yes, the tent where we were in… I was super worried taking care of him, trying to figure out how to avoid him to go to swim in the river at night being totally drunk.
And yes, trying to prevent he would die on his own vomit. That day I got mad, no, no, I got disappointed once again, we were in a trip, I supposed men shouldn’t get wasted when they are alone with their beloved one… but not Josef, for him was ok, to hang with new boys and girl he just met and get devastated, that is his idea of fun … btw, he is 25, not 16.
So, he got wasted and then his beloved girlfriend had to take care of him. I am not again getting drunk, but I get there is a time and moment for everything in life. He cant get drunk with his friends and trying to swim in a dangerous river if he can … but please, do it in your country … I dont want you to die here I said.
ok, I decided I dont need to take care of a baby … point less for our Josef.
It was dark, and he let me go alone to find the bathroom .. I could have fall, being robbed, kidnaped, etc. I want a man who would escort me during a dangerous night… not a knight who will let me go on my own. Other point less Mr.
so… he is not the one, I can see it now ….
We have another character for the past…yes, E. Kin. who seems to be in love with me since ever and forever … Jesus, after 2 years we met because he told me he was sick, so I was worried he would die or something. At the end he said nothing but that he would like to be my boyfriend …what the hell?
how could I tell him that I am in fact interesting in one of his coworkers??
Life is complicated …
right now, I am looking forward to quit at the end of this year …. but I need to figure out what to do next ….