I don’t want to think about you 

I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.

I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?

I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him  his surname.

So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe 

Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later. 

I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.

But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I  would ever meet again Fab. 

I have been thinking a lot  about  him lately. I should stop it. 

I don’t want to think about you. 

I’m not in love with him.  I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.

No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go … 

Now go away of my thoughts…

Brainstorm of him 

Capoeria

The older brother 

Washing car business when young 

Worked in air engineering 

External business of software development 

He said he is an Ugly Brazilian 

Good football player 

He sitting as a God in my chair 

No one can stay next to you in bed and do nothing 

Hates cactus (nopal)

I don’t like girls paying 

Espresso Doble cortado

Difficult to please 

He is not a slave of his mobile phone 

“come to me “

You are dangerous 

Acting weird when we meet in the office in a place that is not the cafeteria

Why don’t you kiss me? 😘😘😘 (first kiss)

This is part of the game, going out, drinks… 

While drinking… Taste this (he wants to kiss me) 

What could go wrong? Everything went wrong… We could even become parents… 

Abacaxi

He likes rocks 

Apple fan

Miami

You are crazier that I thought 

Don’t send me a picture with green hair, I want to remember you as now..

He put my name and a pic of me in a bus picture… he took time for this, this must mean something right?




Friday 21th Saturday 22th July, 2017 

He left yesterday, on Saturday 22th July. He left my house around 05:30 am, I was waiting for his taxi to arrive. It was cold, he put my jacket hat on me. When the taxi arrived I said stupid things, like see you soon, or maybe never… I think words were not necessary.  
After being in the Irish pub he said he would go with home to make sure I was safe. I was not sure if we would sleep together again. He didn’t let me drink this night.  
We arrived home. I literally told him “estou com vontade de você”. I wanted him. I forgot my sickness and I started kissing him. I took off my shirt. He wanted it too. 
So, this was your plan since the beginning? He said. I replied I thought we would only have dinner. You are dangerous he added. I know why he told me dangerous many things. He could not help himself, he wanted me. That’s why he ran away from me that day of the movies. He likes me, I think he likes me very much. 
We made love on that Saturday early morning. The first time we were both sober. We didn’t have condoms. He promise he would be careful to not cum inside me again. 
Before I thought I was just a sexual object for him, a fun, there he just used me. But this night he was different with me, that’s why I said we made love. He kissed me a lot, he kissed my body, and was very nice with me. There was a kind of tenderness between us. 
He had to stop around three times in order to not finish. He counted and even thought about his panda boss. He told me to stop doing a thing that drove him crazy (I didn’t know it was working). 
That night was special for me. At the end I was caressing his face. 
I got closer to him. He is not very open to people, but this night we got closer. I feel “loved” and sex was good, hehe. 
I just hope there’s no a baby asconsequence a of such great night 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Thursday 20th July 2017

On Wednesday I decided to avoid gym, I had taken the postday pills on Monday and I was feeling weak after a new session of kickboxing with the new trainer. 
I arrived early at home to find bound Hector was not longer living in the house. I suppose it was OK since he had been a pain in the bass during the last couple of days. This was the end of my favorite roomies. 
I put my shorts on but I probably left my room twice when I went to wash my bandage for kickboxing. Probably, it was d there when I got sick. I was doing so stuff to finish a report and suddenly at night I feel pain in my throat. I thought with sleep and tea all would be fine next day. 
On Thursday, Fabs asked me if I could grab him anything to eat on the go, of course I would, I told him I would stop at Starbucks and I got coffee and a sandwich for him. Damn, I forgot my Starbucks card that day and I still need to get it back.
I arrived to my office and realized I forgot my computer at home, I decided to left. I visited the doctor and got some injections 😖💉
I went home and sleep a bit in the noon. After, he wrote me to check how I was since he didn’t see me during lunch. I took my car to wash and he told me that he was leaving on Saturday, as it was planned since the beginning. I was shocked, so fast. I thought we would have more time to spend together, but thanks to Eduardo I realized we didn’t. 
Fabs told me on the company’s chat but I didn’t see it because I was sleeping. I felt a bit sad and empty. 
I had said to Fabs that we should go to take coffee again in that Irish place he liked (excuse for me). He said it was probably going to rain and that I should not leave my house. I said I was feeling better since I just wanted to spend time with him.  
I told him we could get some good to be delivered at home and I did order some Argentinian food that arrived fast at home. He brought a coke.
As usually, there was no a movie to watch. I remember once he kissed me in the face, as I have Faringitis it was not a good idea to kiss and I thought we would not spend another night together due my sickness. 
I asked him about his ideal job and he said it would be to have his own company of software development.. But to make a difference, to create something it would make an impact in the life of others. He is great. I admire him. 
He left around 1 am, he came to my home to check how I was. He said I looked OK. He asked me in the afternoon, how many days you have left? When I told him I went to the doctor. 
When he told me he would come I felt happy, I was jumping of happiness and I got tired. I just like to spend time with him.
Taxi came and we kissed on the lips. I thought maybe I would not see him again. Or maybe yes, on Friday in the office.  

He was joking me how Dr hagrid would be so happy on Friday to inject me and see my ass jaja. Because Fabs is a PM and he doesn’t know how to do it. 

Friday 7th July, 2017

That Friday I invited a lot of people to the gym to go clubbing, why? Because I want to go out with ¨The Brazilian, Fabs who is my fav”.

The night started with me arriving rushing to my house. Taking out my Net stockings that I had just bought for this night. I had a wine color dress and some booties. I think I was looking very nice, but yeah, I am a bit chubby.

I arrived late to meet Peter and he and I went to a nice brewery. They had delicious craft beer. Gaby arrived later and around 10:30 we moved to the club.

Fabs hadn’t  arrived, he arrived around midnight and I was already drunk.

I remember texting him, hurry up, since the most time it passes the more difficult is for me to unblock my phone. Finally, he arrived, gosh, he is hot.

Cari and Gabi told me he was very fine… a gay blondie, Paco, also said..he hated me for being eating such a guy.

I remember we were dancing, reggeaton and hip hop, I also, remember (kinda) that I was sitting in the club. Later, I found out I actually fell asleep twice that night.

I remember going towards Fabs and he was just trying to calm me down saying ¨despacito¨to me, haha.  Later, he told me it was because I was like crazy, and spilled his drink 4 times.

Gaby was making out with a teenager that was next to us. Later, she escaped without paying her part of the bill, also she took Peter´s money, because he left early, more less at the time that Fabs arrived.  Cari and Gaby said because he is into me, and well, I was very busy with Fabs, of course.

I tried to pay my part of the bill. That night we drank Buchanan´s. But, this gentleman of course didn’t let me pay. Next time in the gym, Cari told me, Fabs was very nice all night with me, taking care I didn’t fall, just standing in front of me watching me while I was sleeping in the club, jaja, paying my bill and taking me home.

We came home, and yes, again had irresponsible intercorse.  I don’t remember much, He finished on my back and sent me to take a shower. I did, left the bathroom with a towel on and lay in bed. He went to the bathroom … 

Thats all I remember. I woke up next day alone in my bed. He had left, as he did the Friday before.

I was feeling a bit sad .. nostalgic or empty …

But I didn’t have much time to be sad. Next I had to drive around 25 mins to check a house I wanted to buy. My mom came also to checked, at the end she got mad because the sellers want me to sign some documents but still it was not for sure that I would get my house, so why to sign?

Anyway, my mom was right when things are for you …they simply are, and it seems that house was not for me. It was too far away from the center, probably not a Smart decision.

I had told Fabs that we could do a lot of things on Saturday and Sunday.

But he barely wrote me during that weekend… I didn’t want to bother him. He knew the plans I had and if he didn’t say a Word.. it was obvious his answer.

I slept in the afternoon, maybe to see the time pass, trying to avoid thinking he didn’t write to me.

And well, yes, I was waiting for he to write to me ….but I didn’t want to bother him.

Love me tender

I think I would have never talked to Wal (The Brazilian guy) if he hadn’t looked at me as he did.

I remember him waving his hand to me and winking to me.

When he wrote me the first time he told me … you are so cute and guapa.

I would never have thought some hours after this chat, we would be in his hotel room … that he was going to love me tender … that he would bath me … with all the tenderness in the world…

he … he was not full of lust for me … he was full of desire to treat me well and he did.

Thats the way a man should treat me .. I should not forget this.

At times I think maybe he does the same with any girl… but why I think this? I should stop thinking that.. he was with him all those days. He could have spent those night with someone else but he was with me …

We all deserve a love that will love us tender … do not forget it.

 

 

 

secret everywhere

we all have secrets, and since you have gone I have behave well, but I cant confess I needed some fun.

Nope, I didnt shag any one.

I just went to beer factory and after 3 litres of beer made out with a ¨friend¨ ..it was weird since he is a virgin and you can notice it even in the kisses, after that night, he apologized with me and we talk less now. ITs a shance since he is a nice guy, but OK, since I dont want anything serious with him.

I came back to past and met K… but he is, I dont know, simply not for me, I hope he can get a girlfriend and get over me. I cant blame him for beign so  in love, but come one after so much time that I didnt even speak to him, how come he is still in love?? weird guy… 

the new guy at work, its someone I could fall in love with, but we are coworkers and my love is coming back to town, so all will be ok.

ohh Rock…well nothing to say about that ass… I never saw him again …and thats ok.

After all, I think my Josef is the one …we will see it.