Todo terminó .. Vie 8 dic 17

Lo debí saber el día en que lo vi por última vez en SF.

El nunca quiso o pudo volver a verte. .. para qué preguntar qué pasó …

Su último fin de semana aquí me dijo que su jefe le pidió que trabajara el domingo a lo que respondió que no podría porque iba a pasar el fin fuera de la ciudad conmigo y otros amigos ..

Entonces, el sábado le dije que viniera de verdad a mi ciudad a visitarme … a lo que me respondió que estaba en Panamá ….que sólo yo en el mundo sabía dónde estaba.

Entonces, ¿qué hacía en Panamá? Lo que pienso es que viajo express porque tiene una amante ahí … ¿sentí celos? No creo .. pero yo quería pasar tiempo con él …

Pero ahora no importa, ni si quiera voy a ponerme a pensar en qué hacía en Panamá.

Deje de escribirle por casi una semana ….me escribió el viernes reclamándome por no haberle escrito en tanto tiempo .. que si eso era amistad … jaja!!!! Antes me dijo que yo era su best friends, GREAT!

Unos días antes le había pedido un consejo porque me gustaba un chico del gym , pero me dije que era tímida para hablarle .. en un mensaje de voz me dijo:

Girl, listen to me, Why are you so insecure? Why? Come on, you are beautiful, you speak English, you are moving to CA, you worked at HW a multinational fucking company, you have done a lot of things, come on. Why are you so insecure? Just say Hi, how are you.. what are u doing, oh this exercise is nice ..what else you do here..you are from here..whatever, come oooon .. you are Samantha!!! You are such a fun person, you are nice and hot … I know that very well, haha, I can tell, Dont be so insecure. Also you are already 30. You are a diva, a diva girl, don’t play like a 21yo, Im shy and lala. Make a step a head, they are gonna like you sure,  I can tell you my friend, you have nothing to lose, you are so great .

Así que quizás es hora de escuchar su consejo… si me lo dijo un brasileño de sueño …debo ser todo lo que el dice.

Así mismo, es hora de dejarlo ir… sólo verlo como un amigo …creo que el me estima, lo siento por la forma en que me abrazó cuando nos vimos.

Además me dijo que si podía visitarme en CA … haha

 

 

 

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28 April – trip

On 28th April I was going on a trip to the north of my country.  I had to take a bus to arrive to the capital and then we would get involved into the adventure of being 16 hours in a bus to arrive to some natural wonders.

When I was in a line, I saw him because he was behind me. He was such a cute guy.  Some days later I found out other people of the trip called him Harry Potter.

We exchanged some words but I wanted to ask more things like if he was going alone to the trip. But, well I was waiting for my friend Adolf (yes, weird name) to come.

I was wearing some baggy pants black and white that I like so much.

I observed him during the trip. I knew where he was sitting in the bus. I saw him swimming in the pools. I thought he was an biologist or something like that since he seemed some into the water and what was hidden deep down.

I saw him during the breakfast and when he was so happy talking by phone… I thought maybe he was talking with his girlfriend.

So, I was suppose to go back to the water after eating a delicious meat as lunch. I got shy, because the people that was already in the pools was screaming to the people who wanted to go into the water -dive, dive – dive-.

we swam there

I got shy because of that and I did not feel that comfortable in my swimsuit to go walk around the pools before immersing myself. I did not swim more.

I came back to the cabin and I saw him. I wanted to talk to him. He put his earphones on.  He was sleeping in the table … when I saw it was time I went to the table and say HELLO.

I did not know what to say.  He also said random things, like aiming to a cute little boy and asked me – isnt he cute, I want a son like him-  That little boy was great.

Anyway,  we saw we had some things in common as working in other city outside the capital. He showed me some pictures of his Facebook and from there I knew how to find him there.

So, now we knew each other. That night I added him on Facebook, that was our last night in the North and some people wanted to go for a drink. He didnt come.  He felt asleep he told me later.

But ok, next day we were talking a lot. He joined to Adolf and I in our table during the breakfast. We visited a museum and then it was time to leave … again 16 hours in the bus. We talked and laughed in some bus stops.

We finally arrived ad 3-30 am to the capital.  I was waiting for an uber and walked to where He .. Esteban (thats his name) was. … my uber came and I said see you soon, we hug and I left …

He is such a sweetheart, I hope we can see us again.

 

immensity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ego 

He is alwaysthere for me . 

He said I am the love of his life. I told him he was crazy. 

Today he is not here for me and that’s OK. I guess I never expected this day. I thought he would always be waiting for me. 

I don’t feel sad but it is a punch to my ego. 

Maybe finally as I always wanted I got rid of him. 

I planned to stop seeing him by the excuse that he forgot my birthday. 

He has been in love with me for years. 

We see each other for a while and I get bored of him and stop talking to him for months. Then we start again, an endless circle.

I like him, but I don’t love him. I can’t see my future with him. I like the way he dresses and the way he smells, but that’s all. 

He once said he wanted me to be his girlfriend and later marry me.  

He had those puppy eyes while saying it.  I guess inside of me I just laughed. I was mean I guess))) 

I suppose we can be friends, I’m not sure if he wants .  Maybe finally he got over me and if he did I just can say he do the right thing.

I am just not good for him.

Wait, I remember he always hides me things and many people told me he is not the good boy that he shows he is to me. Maybe he hides his real self.  Maybe I don’t know who he is.

I foram still waiting  for his answer. 

I guess it is better this way. 

Goodbye crazy in love boy….

Love is in a green bus!

People say that you shouldn’t be searching for love, that love will find you…yeah sure.

 
Today I decided to not wait for Daniel, because he takes ages to leave the office and we walk to the right and sometimes in the middle of the walking I have luck and take a bus that take ages to arrive to the metro station.
 
 
I left office alone so I went to the left and walk to wait the bus. I walk a bit further and I dont wait in the bus station that is near work,  because I wanna avoid co workers and I have more chances to get a seat of I go further. 
 
I always take the the same bus … just once since the two months that I have been in this office I took the green one, but this time I said…I wanna take the green bus….and it came.
 
For my surprise it has many seats and after a fast thinking I decided to seat next to a cute guy …
 
The bus moved forward… as I never take this bus I was a bit surprised for the route it was taking, but I thought it was ok…
Suddenly I saw a boy asked to a woman…is this bus going to Metro B? The woman answer -no.  
Dammit!!!! I didnt know what to do then. I was in the middle of nowhere.  I hesitated to ask the guy next to me, but I got shy. 
 
 
Rapidly I thought about leaving the bus … but I didnt. I contacted Eduardo and he told ok “stay until the last station, then follow the people and walk, you will arrive to a place where you can take a bus to Metro M”.  Well, it was better than being lost in the middle of nowhere.
 
Suddenly, all the people was leaving..and I saw this guy was giving me that look … I asked: is this the last station?. Yes, he said.
 
I moved fast and we left the bus.
 
I saw he was behind me but he has his earphones on. I asked: hey where are you going? 🙂   He said…to this … me…hmm, ok you know I took a wrong bus and now I dont know how to arrive … I was told I could take a bus to the metro near here… He said bla bla bla to the Eagle Store. Me, ok, thanks. As I saw the put his earphones on again I thought he didnt want to talk anymore.
 
I was walking, he was behind me. When I saw the Eagle store I realized I had no idea what to do from this. 
 
I was shy but turned to him and said “I forgot what I must do from Eagle store”.. he said…oh over there you can take the bus. I was confused so he added “you take it in the same place I am going to take mine”.  So, we walked and chat. We arrived to the place where we should wait for the bus. I was drizzling but I didn’t take out my umbrella.
 
I asked -so you work near (the place where I took the bus)?. He said he works (add here the second most famous carrier of mobile phones in your country). I said…wow, so you are an engineer… I work in hw (Telecom company). So, from here all was ¨easier¨ seems we both work in Telecom companies and our companies work very much with each other. In fact he has come to my building and he will come again  because he will install some network. 
 
He said…you can wait for bus A here, I will take bus B … but it takes time..so maybe you better take bus C.  Bus C was about leaving and I answer … I will wait a bit more here.. 😉 
 
As, it seemed it was going to rain more..he added I guess we should take bus C better … I agreed and we take the same bus. We seat near and were chatting. 
 
He talked ..I was smiling like an idiot (as I always do) we talked about food and he said maybe someday we could go to eat or we see us in my building …like if maybe the destiny would put us again together.
 
I decided to move forward. I already had told him my name and well his name is Rodrigo!!!!! Which is surprising, because few days ago I was remember that famous Spanish hero named Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar and I was thinking of how much I like that name, such a powerful Castillian name and I even thought about name my son Rodrigo, hahahaha!!! And his name is Rodrigo!!!!!
 
As he was going to leave soon… I luckily remember I had a business card in my purse… I found it fast and gave it to him … sadly all has changed …the address, phone and my email … 😀 He said: don’t you have a pen so you write me your number? I stupidly said I don’t remember it but I will write you my email. He told me his email and we agreed to write to each other.
 
He said sometimes he is very stressed and mad coz his work so would be nice to talk to me … hahahaha…
 
We said bye and he gave me a bye kiss in the cheek…
 
he left and I was extremely happy ….. he looks like Bruno Mars…
 
Maybe  I am anticipating but maybe he could be …. a nice guy with whom I can enjoy life…
 
 
come on!!! Engineer, Rodrigo, has been in my building …he added he almost never take the green bus ..me neither …
 
was it just coincidence?
 
I dont think so..
I hope he will write me tomorrow … if not …I will…
 
what the hell? what can I lose? 🙂