Did I tell you?

Did I ever tell you how I met Fabio?

Well, since I saw him in the laboratory I liked him and some how I knew he was Brazilian. He was a housemate of Edward, so I guess from him I knew his name.

One day, I got an email about the houses and he was on copy. Now, I had his name and email.

I have met him in the cafeteria a couple of times. We just said hi and smile. So, one day I wrote him in the company chat, just being friendly and polite.

I went on holidays to the beach.

I came back. He gave me his cellphone.
On Friday he asked me if I was in town. I was hitting the gym but after that we went out to a German named bar when we drank honey beer, my favorite in 2×1.

I got drunk and I think I told him Brazilians were handsome then he asked me… Then why you don’t kiss me?

That was the beginning. 😋🤩☺️😳😈🤫🤭


I miss you

I noticed today was Fab´s birthday and I decided to congratulate him.

He said he misses me.

I wonder if he does. .. maybe he does because he has not a reason to say it if he doesn’t feel this way.

He is in my hometown now I told her I am going this weekend. But I dont think we are going to meet. I dont care now.

Maybe because I didn’t get fit as I wanted, but also because I got over him a lot time ago.

But he is my friend still and I like him and I think maybe he didn’t lie to me and I am special to him.  He is 38 yo now, but he is still hot as fire.

Todo terminó .. Vie 8 dic 17

Lo debí saber el día en que lo vi por última vez en SF.

El nunca quiso o pudo volver a verte. .. para qué preguntar qué pasó …

Su último fin de semana aquí me dijo que su jefe le pidió que trabajara el domingo a lo que respondió que no podría porque iba a pasar el fin fuera de la ciudad conmigo y otros amigos ..

Entonces, el sábado le dije que viniera de verdad a mi ciudad a visitarme … a lo que me respondió que estaba en Panamá ….que sólo yo en el mundo sabía dónde estaba.

Entonces, ¿qué hacía en Panamá? Lo que pienso es que viajo express porque tiene una amante ahí … ¿sentí celos? No creo .. pero yo quería pasar tiempo con él …

Pero ahora no importa, ni si quiera voy a ponerme a pensar en qué hacía en Panamá.

Deje de escribirle por casi una semana ….me escribió el viernes reclamándome por no haberle escrito en tanto tiempo .. que si eso era amistad … jaja!!!! Antes me dijo que yo era su best friends, GREAT!

Unos días antes le había pedido un consejo porque me gustaba un chico del gym , pero me dije que era tímida para hablarle .. en un mensaje de voz me dijo:

Girl, listen to me, Why are you so insecure? Why? Come on, you are beautiful, you speak English, you are moving to CA, you worked at HW a multinational fucking company, you have done a lot of things, come on. Why are you so insecure? Just say Hi, how are you.. what are u doing, oh this exercise is nice ..what else you do here..you are from here..whatever, come oooon .. you are Samantha!!! You are such a fun person, you are nice and hot … I know that very well, haha, I can tell, Dont be so insecure. Also you are already 30. You are a diva, a diva girl, don’t play like a 21yo, Im shy and lala. Make a step a head, they are gonna like you sure,  I can tell you my friend, you have nothing to lose, you are so great .

Así que quizás es hora de escuchar su consejo… si me lo dijo un brasileño de sueño …debo ser todo lo que el dice.

Así mismo, es hora de dejarlo ir… sólo verlo como un amigo …creo que el me estima, lo siento por la forma en que me abrazó cuando nos vimos.

Además me dijo que si podía visitarme en CA … haha




Good news finally 051217 wed

Todavía me siento mal por lo de la cirugía y últimamente me duele la cabeza cuando me despierto, yo creo por hacer presión al dormir.

El martes y hoy tuve buenas noticias.

Ayer en la mañana fui a hacer unos análisis prenupciales, jaja, como si fuera a casarme. 😞😔 Los pedí así porque era más fácil que pedir un examen de vih y otro de enfermedades venereas. Porque este año viví irresponsablemente y me acosté sin protección con un ruso y un brasileño.

Me dio risa cuando el laboratorista me preguntó para que eran los análisis y respondí que porque me iba a casar. Jaja

Tuve miedo de que los resultados fueran positivos, y que incluso me vetaran para casarme o algo así, parece que me estaba creyendo lo de la boda.

En las noches los resultados estaban listos y decidí abrirlos… ViH NEGATIVO, VDRL NEGATIVO. ¡Qué nervios!

Esa fue la primera buena noticia de la semana.

La segunda es que mi visa ya esta aprobada y mi pasaporte estará conmigo en estos días por lo cual estará conmigo a tiempo para ir a Perú. ☝️☝️☝️

La tercera buena noticia es que fui a la ginecóloga, con todos los exámenes que me han hecho, y me confirmo que estoy sana según los análisis, solo me dio médicamento para una úlcera… Así que espero se me quite el dolor que me da algunos días.

Ya no le escrito al brasileño. El sábado, cuando fui de rogona otra vez a decirle que viniera a visitarme a mi ciudad, me dijo que estaba en Panamá y que como soy su mejor amiga solo yo en el mundo sabia eso.

Supongo es mejor así. Después de la última vez que nos vimos es cuando empezaron mis molestias que me hicieron ir hoy al doctor. Y también el es la razón por la cual me hice lo exámenes prenupciales. 😖

Debo de dejar de rogarle a los hombres. Quizás le escribiré casual para que no piense que me importa que tiene una amante en Panamá y que hasta viaja a otro pais a verla… He is not worth the hassle.

Además probablemente el es la causa de mi malestar (físico), pero no estoy enojada. Tampoco estoy enojada con mi cirujano, no vale la pena enojarse… No ganamos nada con eso.

He is in town

He came to give a training in my city.

A friend we have in common told me to go to a bar to watch a match. I agreed since I had no way to escape, then  I decided to invite F. it would be a good excuse, he would be safe since he would be sure we won’t end up in bed together.

I arrived late …thanks to the traffic of this stupidly insane metropoli. F.  told me he had invited some Brazilians friends of him .. GREAT, I thought.

Finally, I arrived to the bar with Ed (my friend) and found F. alone sitting in a big table. His friends had been doing some shopping, later they arrived, one woman and two men, they were pretty nice and easy going.

We moved to a fancy sports bars because we wanted to watch the match. The Brazilian people was very nice cheering to the Peruvian team. One of them even sent some beers to another table where there was a guy wearing a Peru jersey… how cool. I have never seen this and it was nice to see it in a friendly environment.

When I arrived F. hugged me tight .. he always hugs for more time that I expect. My head hurted me a bit due my surgery. When we went moving to the other bar, he hugged me also while walking saying he was so glad to see me again.

Maybe he really appreciates me like a friend .. he was really glad to see me. Later, after returning from the bathroom he hugged me and Ed saying we were his best friends in this country.

Now I get it … I prefer he cares about me as a human being that he waiting to fuck me.

We had a very nice night. I talked in Portuguese with the Brazilian people and they said I had a good accent. He was grabbing me from the waist .. like a game for him being mad at me or something when I was saying something to bother him. It was pretty funny and a bit painful.

We took an Uber and somehow we hold hands. I was watching at him ..he is so handsome … I was admiring him really… Anyway, when he left we kissed as friends do.  I am not sure if he is worried about him falling again in my bed … maybe he met someone else during his way working in Panama… but come on, I should not been thinking about this. I think our lips were near when he left.

After he left .. I wrote him on whatsapp that he was so handsome and hot .. he just replied I was drunk .. probably then fall asleep. Before leaving the Uber he had told us,  remember guys I will be here so we can go out …

But today I wrote him about going out at night … and well, he took too much time in answering and at the end ..we didn’t go anywhere. I guess it was better this way.

Plus, I will start to value him as a person as a friend more than as a piece of meat.

I was wrong … I would treat him as a friend.. that I slept with a couple of times. .. but as a friend I like and I respect.

I was looking pretty today … I am happy now, I was down a couple of hours before.. but now I see how things are.  We are friends .. I will try to convince him to come again so we can visit the pyramids.

He is a great man, I admire him and must keep his friendship.

One thing that I found a bit weird is that before he was never taking pics and now he sent me many pics of him. I used to thought I would never get a pic of him besides the ones I screenshot from his WhatsApp picture, haha. He even took pictures of him on my phone and let them there.  He took a pic of us 3 in my phone and later asked me to sent to him. Finally I have a nice picture of my good Brazilian friend. He even told Ed and I we could go anything to Brazil … hmmm. 



o que você faz comigo?

I decided the Brazilians guys were over. I decided to move on. I even told Josef about them. I don’t expect to see Josef anymore, so why not? What we had is over.Plus, I don’t want him to have any illusion about me.

So, why does it bother me when he does not write me? Maybe, it hits my ego, but it is the natural way of things to finish. We are not a couple anymore.

So, Fabs came back and he just told me on whatsapp after days without writing me anything at all. Maybe he didn’t write me because I saw the picture of he with his little daughter, so I assume he assumes (lol) now I know he is married. Perhaps he thinks I have a problem with this …do I? No, I don’t have it at all. In fact, I always knew he was married, I saw his rings a couple of times. I was just pretending I didn’t know to calm down my guilt.

Guilt? Why should I be guilty? I can’t go around asking to all the men I met .. are you married?  It is his sin, not mine. Or at least, I want to think like that.

People can get lonely. We were lonely. To be honest, he is kinda boring I am always the one who talks and tells funny stories. But I find him very attractive and… I don’t know anyone else who I want to sleep with now.

I know this relation can’t go anywhere.. and that is pretty fine for me.

I was thinking that all last year was amazing, because I was living in other city,  enough far to allow me to live life the way I wanted. Thinking seriously, I brought home 4 guys to my house …  Ed which was a total lame in bed,  Sam, who didn’t know that inviting someone over to watch Netflix means to get laid (that wasn’t my intentions to him), my coworker who just went to my home to have a nap… and Fab ..who is fabulous.

I dislike living back here. I need to tell where I am going… I am not free as before, and certainly I can not bring someone home. Also, moving here is more difficult and expensive. Such stories could not have passed in other city than in Q.  I love Q.

I won’t write him anymore. I am not sure of what I should do. Well, I am under recovery after a surgery I had last Tuesday and I still not sure where the stitches can be removed. Sometimes, when I do some movements, I feel as if they could ¨break¨ and that is certainly something I want to avoid. I think the Canada plan would delay to 2018, since I want to be totally sure of my recovery. A week has passed and I still feel them numb… I hope it will end soon.

Fab was talking to me long .. because he had questions about he skydiving  .. I wonder if that is just the reason … or if he wants to see me too. Well, I am sure he wants to meet, if not why he told me he is back …as Panda said its surely not to go to the library to read.

Thats fine for me … I don’t want him for something serious.






Have you ever fucked a person and be proud of yourself?

I remember that night, he was sitting on my chair looking like a Roman God …shirtless .. probably totally nude.

the First time I saw him was in the laboratory .. I opened to door for him and a Chinese guy … He thanked me for bothering (I was in a training in the lab). I didn’t bother me at all, since he was a tall, tanned, handsome guy.

I was bothered for the others but not by him.

I used to see him during lunch time. He arrived always late, so sometimes he had problems to find a table. I used to joke to my colleagues that I would say ¨Hey, there´s a seat here¨. But I noticed he always ate lunch with a friend of him, another Brazilian.

How did I know he was Brazilian? I have no idea ..  but I knew it.

He was a roommate of one of my friends, so one day they headed to my place in the office and asked me if I have a cup since the office ran out of cups lol. I didn’t have any, so next thing I did when I get home it was to put an extra cup (xícara) in my bag to bring to the office (just in case).

I remember other day I met him in the cafeteria … but I only said something as hello …and he did the same and smile. I didn’t know what to say, so we continue doing coffee.

So, one day, I recieved an email related to some dorms and he was in the loop.  I have his full name now and his work ID number. What did I do? … some days later I remember that email and took his ID and wrote it in the messenger. There he was, I was shy but WTF I just messaged him.  Hello!!!  -Hello, he replied. I asked him if he knew who I was .. he said: -Sure, the cups manager.

What did I write him? What did it expect from it? I am surely never imagined I would finish in bed with him.  I just want to get to know him.

Edward (one friend in common) told me The Brazilian used to walk around the house shirtless, and that he was married and have a daughter. He also sent me an screenshot, where I could see the Brazilian send a pic of him and Eddie said:  It looks so delicious.  Eddie made it sound sexual.  I didn’t think about this until days and days later. He I was already slept with The Brazilian, later I asked to myself …Did Eddie sleep with him too? That would have been very awkward, no?

He always complained about the meals in the canteen so I offered to go to eat outside on Friday.  We met and he said, -so, just the two of us? .

– Yes, is that a problem?

– Not at all

He said my car was nice and  then I drove. He help me with the directions, he is more observant that I am. We went to a nice German place and had a nice time. I learnt ´cheers´ in Portuguese was Saude.

I think that day he asked for my phone, or maybe some days before. That Friday night I went to the gym and he wrote me? Are you here? I said that I was and then we agreed to go out that night.

That was the night when he asked me- Why don’t you kiss me? So I did. .. That night I said  we couldn’t go to my place (to sleep together, obviously) because it was a mess but I told  him that tomorrow we could go.

He is so serious … next day I tried to  invite him to eat .. I think my choice of place wasn’t the best … I tried to pay but he said he didn’t like girls to pay. So, I never tried to paid again, haha.  Later we went to a bar (the same bar When I first dated the first Brazilian, haha) the drinks weren’t to good but we were kinda drunk to go to my place and have sex.

I remember that he wanted to try my drinks from my lips, but he always wanted me to do the first move … I don’t know why … he gave me hints (that I never caught) like let me try it… haha

I had to take the pill of the next day, in less than a month. I know, such irresponsible  people we were.  But, I never thought this would end in being lovers.

Once he tried to stop it, he just said , lets be normal friends, no sex. We went to the cinema that day. I got the tickets online and he offered to pay, I said no need. At the end he took me to my car, closed the door and ran away … probably he didn’t want to fall in my charm.

Next time we went to a bar, I didn’t see him and kept walking, I remember how he told me to sit by his side to watch the concert. He grabbed me and kissed me .. finally. I think that was the first time he took the initiative.

He left …so soon after he came back …

Sometimes I was wondering what would he be doing in Panama. Maybe he had already a lover over there. But there is no point of thinking that. To be honest, I think I would have fucked other of the Brazilians in the office … it is not as we have a commitment.

Some days later, he added a picture in WhatsApp with his daughter .. how i know the beautiful kid was his? Because they looked so much alike, hahaha! So, Eddie was not lying, he is married and have a children. Maybe he is divorced?  Maybe.

I never asked him and he never said anything. He put off his ring when we went out. I saw it in his finger a couple of times in the office.

I supposed he will come back, I am not sure if we would meet… Hopefully … but then I would want to sleep with him again … even if I am not sure if he gave me something since we always have unprotected sex.  Ok, not always, last time he finally got a camizinha (condom).