I don’t want to think about you 

I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.

I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?

I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him  his surname.

So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe 

Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later. 

I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.

But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I  would ever meet again Fab. 

I have been thinking a lot  about  him lately. I should stop it. 

I don’t want to think about you. 

I’m not in love with him.  I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.

No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go … 

Now go away of my thoughts…

Brainstorm of him 

Capoeria

The older brother 

Washing car business when young 

Worked in air engineering 

External business of software development 

He said he is an Ugly Brazilian 

Good football player 

He sitting as a God in my chair 

No one can stay next to you in bed and do nothing 

Hates cactus (nopal)

I don’t like girls paying 

Espresso Doble cortado

Difficult to please 

He is not a slave of his mobile phone 

“come to me “

You are dangerous 

Acting weird when we meet in the office in a place that is not the cafeteria

Why don’t you kiss me? 😘😘😘 (first kiss)

This is part of the game, going out, drinks… 

While drinking… Taste this (he wants to kiss me) 

What could go wrong? Everything went wrong… We could even become parents… 

Abacaxi

He likes rocks 

Apple fan

Miami

You are crazier that I thought 

Don’t send me a picture with green hair, I want to remember you as now..

He put my name and a pic of me in a bus picture… he took time for this, this must mean something right?




Thursday 20th July 2017

On Wednesday I decided to avoid gym, I had taken the postday pills on Monday and I was feeling weak after a new session of kickboxing with the new trainer. 
I arrived early at home to find bound Hector was not longer living in the house. I suppose it was OK since he had been a pain in the bass during the last couple of days. This was the end of my favorite roomies. 
I put my shorts on but I probably left my room twice when I went to wash my bandage for kickboxing. Probably, it was d there when I got sick. I was doing so stuff to finish a report and suddenly at night I feel pain in my throat. I thought with sleep and tea all would be fine next day. 
On Thursday, Fabs asked me if I could grab him anything to eat on the go, of course I would, I told him I would stop at Starbucks and I got coffee and a sandwich for him. Damn, I forgot my Starbucks card that day and I still need to get it back.
I arrived to my office and realized I forgot my computer at home, I decided to left. I visited the doctor and got some injections 😖💉
I went home and sleep a bit in the noon. After, he wrote me to check how I was since he didn’t see me during lunch. I took my car to wash and he told me that he was leaving on Saturday, as it was planned since the beginning. I was shocked, so fast. I thought we would have more time to spend together, but thanks to Eduardo I realized we didn’t. 
Fabs told me on the company’s chat but I didn’t see it because I was sleeping. I felt a bit sad and empty. 
I had said to Fabs that we should go to take coffee again in that Irish place he liked (excuse for me). He said it was probably going to rain and that I should not leave my house. I said I was feeling better since I just wanted to spend time with him.  
I told him we could get some good to be delivered at home and I did order some Argentinian food that arrived fast at home. He brought a coke.
As usually, there was no a movie to watch. I remember once he kissed me in the face, as I have Faringitis it was not a good idea to kiss and I thought we would not spend another night together due my sickness. 
I asked him about his ideal job and he said it would be to have his own company of software development.. But to make a difference, to create something it would make an impact in the life of others. He is great. I admire him. 
He left around 1 am, he came to my home to check how I was. He said I looked OK. He asked me in the afternoon, how many days you have left? When I told him I went to the doctor. 
When he told me he would come I felt happy, I was jumping of happiness and I got tired. I just like to spend time with him.
Taxi came and we kissed on the lips. I thought maybe I would not see him again. Or maybe yes, on Friday in the office.  

He was joking me how Dr hagrid would be so happy on Friday to inject me and see my ass jaja. Because Fabs is a PM and he doesn’t know how to do it. 

stuck in nowhere

I just realized how Fast the time past… It is an old saying, but its so true.

Other thing that can fade away are dreams … the more time it past the more difficult is to achieve them. Why? Because we are too settle in our comfort zone.

I remember when I was a teenager .. I wanted to be 18 years old and escape away from my home, from the city, from the country. 10 years later, I didn’t escape. Anyway, I barely remember my dreams, but I remember they were big.

Where did they stay?

I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. I remember I was crazier. I was doing crazy things … ¨meeting¨ crazy men.

I need to do something or I will never do anything in my life.

I have a stable job, but what’s that? It is nothing. Doing the same one more year will drive me crazy.

I decided to quit tomorrow after my boss returned from China, but I need to delay it at least for a week, because I have not a plan.

I just feel I need to jump even if there is not a plan. To jump into the unknown. what’s the worst that can happen? But …what is the best that can happen?

INTENSE

He is so intense, we said. That crazy boy who told me many times “I LOVE YOU”.

He gave me flowers, he gave me gifts, he kissed my hand.

He has those eyes that say I LOVE YOU.

Somehow, I never felt the same for him.

He is nice, but he is gray.

I am a rainbow.

Something is missing. I don’t doubt he is great person, but I don’t love him and I will never love him.

During these 3 years I didn’t find in him what I look for.

It’s not good for him, not fair.

We always get away of each other because of my coldness towards him, but he always comes back, because he blindly believes I am the one.

Last time, I assure him again that US  was impossible that we just could hang but nothing serious.

HE said it was ok, but it is not. He wants more.

The other day he told me he wants us to be in a serious relationship … he wants to be my boyfriend and then in the future to marry me.

I was abroad for 5 weeks. When I returned he was crazy to see me again which I responded: for god sake gimme some time, please.

This is other chapter that I must close.

ITs not fair for him.

HE needs to find his real love. I need to stop messing with his feelings.

sometimes its better to say bye ..

again

I woke up after I was dreaming about him ..

 

why he doesnt go away from my mind?

 

in my dream, I was in a public bathroom and then I met him, what the hell?

 

Maybe I must flush him from my life.

 

Finally!!!

I wont talk to him again … I promise!