I don’t want to think about you 

I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.

I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?

I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him  his surname.

So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe 

Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later. 

I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.

But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I  would ever meet again Fab. 

I have been thinking a lot  about  him lately. I should stop it. 

I don’t want to think about you. 

I’m not in love with him.  I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.

No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go … 

Now go away of my thoughts…

Brainstorm of him 

Capoeria

The older brother 

Washing car business when young 

Worked in air engineering 

External business of software development 

He said he is an Ugly Brazilian 

Good football player 

He sitting as a God in my chair 

No one can stay next to you in bed and do nothing 

Hates cactus (nopal)

I don’t like girls paying 

Espresso Doble cortado

Difficult to please 

He is not a slave of his mobile phone 

“come to me “

You are dangerous 

Acting weird when we meet in the office in a place that is not the cafeteria

Why don’t you kiss me? 😘😘😘 (first kiss)

This is part of the game, going out, drinks… 

While drinking… Taste this (he wants to kiss me) 

What could go wrong? Everything went wrong… We could even become parents… 

Abacaxi

He likes rocks 

Apple fan

Miami

You are crazier that I thought 

Don’t send me a picture with green hair, I want to remember you as now..

He put my name and a pic of me in a bus picture… he took time for this, this must mean something right?




Friday 21th Saturday 22th July, 2017 

He left yesterday, on Saturday 22th July. He left my house around 05:30 am, I was waiting for his taxi to arrive. It was cold, he put my jacket hat on me. When the taxi arrived I said stupid things, like see you soon, or maybe never… I think words were not necessary.  
After being in the Irish pub he said he would go with home to make sure I was safe. I was not sure if we would sleep together again. He didn’t let me drink this night.  
We arrived home. I literally told him “estou com vontade de você”. I wanted him. I forgot my sickness and I started kissing him. I took off my shirt. He wanted it too. 
So, this was your plan since the beginning? He said. I replied I thought we would only have dinner. You are dangerous he added. I know why he told me dangerous many things. He could not help himself, he wanted me. That’s why he ran away from me that day of the movies. He likes me, I think he likes me very much. 
We made love on that Saturday early morning. The first time we were both sober. We didn’t have condoms. He promise he would be careful to not cum inside me again. 
Before I thought I was just a sexual object for him, a fun, there he just used me. But this night he was different with me, that’s why I said we made love. He kissed me a lot, he kissed my body, and was very nice with me. There was a kind of tenderness between us. 
He had to stop around three times in order to not finish. He counted and even thought about his panda boss. He told me to stop doing a thing that drove him crazy (I didn’t know it was working). 
That night was special for me. At the end I was caressing his face. 
I got closer to him. He is not very open to people, but this night we got closer. I feel “loved” and sex was good, hehe. 
I just hope there’s no a baby asconsequence a of such great night 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Thursday 20th July 2017

On Wednesday I decided to avoid gym, I had taken the postday pills on Monday and I was feeling weak after a new session of kickboxing with the new trainer. 
I arrived early at home to find bound Hector was not longer living in the house. I suppose it was OK since he had been a pain in the bass during the last couple of days. This was the end of my favorite roomies. 
I put my shorts on but I probably left my room twice when I went to wash my bandage for kickboxing. Probably, it was d there when I got sick. I was doing so stuff to finish a report and suddenly at night I feel pain in my throat. I thought with sleep and tea all would be fine next day. 
On Thursday, Fabs asked me if I could grab him anything to eat on the go, of course I would, I told him I would stop at Starbucks and I got coffee and a sandwich for him. Damn, I forgot my Starbucks card that day and I still need to get it back.
I arrived to my office and realized I forgot my computer at home, I decided to left. I visited the doctor and got some injections 😖💉
I went home and sleep a bit in the noon. After, he wrote me to check how I was since he didn’t see me during lunch. I took my car to wash and he told me that he was leaving on Saturday, as it was planned since the beginning. I was shocked, so fast. I thought we would have more time to spend together, but thanks to Eduardo I realized we didn’t. 
Fabs told me on the company’s chat but I didn’t see it because I was sleeping. I felt a bit sad and empty. 
I had said to Fabs that we should go to take coffee again in that Irish place he liked (excuse for me). He said it was probably going to rain and that I should not leave my house. I said I was feeling better since I just wanted to spend time with him.  
I told him we could get some good to be delivered at home and I did order some Argentinian food that arrived fast at home. He brought a coke.
As usually, there was no a movie to watch. I remember once he kissed me in the face, as I have Faringitis it was not a good idea to kiss and I thought we would not spend another night together due my sickness. 
I asked him about his ideal job and he said it would be to have his own company of software development.. But to make a difference, to create something it would make an impact in the life of others. He is great. I admire him. 
He left around 1 am, he came to my home to check how I was. He said I looked OK. He asked me in the afternoon, how many days you have left? When I told him I went to the doctor. 
When he told me he would come I felt happy, I was jumping of happiness and I got tired. I just like to spend time with him.
Taxi came and we kissed on the lips. I thought maybe I would not see him again. Or maybe yes, on Friday in the office.  

He was joking me how Dr hagrid would be so happy on Friday to inject me and see my ass jaja. Because Fabs is a PM and he doesn’t know how to do it. 

fast update

many things have happened ..

I discovered it really sucks not to know what happened in your life in the past…

I meant, since I started writing my first blog I saw it was really cool being able to read what you were feeling-facing-living in some period of your life.

I will try to write a fast sumary.

Rodrigo  – Never saw it again… I dont chat to him anymore, tho I must confess I felt very bad last week the stress at work, the flowers that kikiri boo said to me and work and some mistake I did at work… made me feel very nervous.. I had a panic attack. So, I went to eat to the restaurant Eat-Eat and I feel he could be there, I felt he could appear from nowhere and I feel catch that made me feel even worst that evening.

I wanted to cry ..to go home. I went to the bathroom and put some water on my face. I was nervous because I had to drive back home and I still dont know the way. I dont know why I am so absent-minded.

I also dont drive so well, yet, which really sucks, but OK I think all is a matter of practice. I have had 2 little accidents at home while parking.. dammit. My mother made me feel bad andnervous, instead encourage me to drive, she makes me feel as piece of shit.

But ok, I must still be brave, coz I need to drive … I cant live in buses and metro forever …

Work, pfff, I wanted to quit a couple of times. I have been doing mistake and I hold my responsability but the local office guys …men, they are such bastards and have a bad attitude towards me.. anyway they need to add more fiber to their diet.

It´s ok, I can face it..

Love, Josef is still in Europe.

I still kinda chasing Fergie, thing, I should stop doing. Some months ago we went to beer factory, had some liters of beer after the office … we were a bit typsi, trying to get the way out of the Mall…we crashed into each other …finshed being face to face and we kissed …. it was very sweet.

I kissed in his car also during the red lights … I wont lie,  I did enjoy it.

WE kissed while walking in the parking lot, but I do must confess the kisses were short, inocent … not much tongue. After that night everything changed, he avoides me now and he even said to me forgive me for last night.. I shouldnt.

I got a bit mad, how he dares!!!?? He was eager to do it, I could feel it, I could see it in his eyes during all the time we were on that table.

Anyway, it is ok.  I dont want him as a formal boyfriend.. but I do enjoy his company and its not nice he kind of ignores me.

I will start ignore him 😀 .. tho, I do like him as friend.

Other engineer …. Kings…he is still in love with me, he went to eat quesadillas once, we made out, but come on it was a friendly thing, he shoudnt have thought we would go be in a relationship …  we barely talk and see each other, he is a good boy after all.

Kikiri boo, dammit, he will never give up…seems so, but he is totally stuck in the Friend Zone,  he is very nice but I am not into shagging him lol, not even into making out with him… I am sorry .. maybe he could start losing weight  😀

Fer  2 …never saw him after the Xmas party at work … ok, I lie ..I did see him once again in my office, he greeted me but mothing more. Maybe I should have acted, or maybe he wasnt into me seems I finished in the xmas party dancing with tac engineers and Fergie (I think they dislike each other).

New Fer, I met him during a concert on Valentine’s day, I saw him, tall and handsome. I approached to him and we were dancing and kissing aaaaallll night. At the end, I felt kinda bad since I didnt even know him name..  he got my phone and called me next week. We met again, he looked so …. poorly dressed .. well, he is still a student …but still, he didnt need a tailor made suit, but he looked like he didnt care about his looks, which decrease his attractiveness (Even thought, he is veeeery tall, has gorgeous eyes and a  nice tan), pluuus, he is also a student ..at his 24 years … WTF! No doubt, he has not a penny. Sorry, but at my age I do chase other kind of men … at least with a job.

Thats all about men ..

ohhh, at the office I liked one boy Alex but it turns out that he is married…and Viktor …he seems into me but maybe he is just polite, anyway he told me I was very pretty and likeable.  That makes me feel well.

I do think I am pretty, tho I feel kinda fat now …but the fact is that I dont do anything about it .

I excused behind my knee pain, but luckily my legs are much better.

So, lets make a plan for the future, exercise, rock at work, get some boys and some fun.

Also, I do have a new computer and a tablet… tho, I should have bought the slimmest laptop and a smaller tablet  😛 

Coworker in love

I dislike my coworker Ema since the day he team and I went to have some drinks. Frank and Ana (the other two newbies) didn’t go. It was just me and three boys.

After two bottles of whiskey, Ema who I already thought was a dork, said I could so much better that with the engineers, that I was a pretty girl, that he was in love with me and so much bullshit.

I didn’t know what to do or say. I said nothing so he was like think about it, you have my heart in your hands. WTF!!! I hired you! And we were friends.

That and his willing to grab my hand destroyed my willing of being his friend. I don’t know why.

I disliked him and from that moment more and more
Since then we barely talk.
Ana quit

I just have frank now. He is so much fun. We are always gossiping and talking about style and such.

Eduardo thinks he is gay. I guess so.

He speaks Chinese so well and he is just 22yo!!!!

Anyway I have been rude towards Ema, and talking bad about it. When suddenly I remembered the day I dropped Jamaica water on the white floor he helped me to mop, I felt horrible for that accident.  Suddenly I felt ashamed.

I should be a leader, not a critic.
I should support, not give more problems.

I will change my attitude from now.

After all, we can’t blame him for falling in love with me.

But he better realizes he has no chance. I think he did.