I don’t want to think about you 

I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.

I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?

I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him  his surname.

So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe 

Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later. 

I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.

But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I  would ever meet again Fab. 

I have been thinking a lot  about  him lately. I should stop it. 

I don’t want to think about you. 

I’m not in love with him.  I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.

No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go … 

Now go away of my thoughts…

Thursday 20th July 2017

On Wednesday I decided to avoid gym, I had taken the postday pills on Monday and I was feeling weak after a new session of kickboxing with the new trainer. 
I arrived early at home to find bound Hector was not longer living in the house. I suppose it was OK since he had been a pain in the bass during the last couple of days. This was the end of my favorite roomies. 
I put my shorts on but I probably left my room twice when I went to wash my bandage for kickboxing. Probably, it was d there when I got sick. I was doing so stuff to finish a report and suddenly at night I feel pain in my throat. I thought with sleep and tea all would be fine next day. 
On Thursday, Fabs asked me if I could grab him anything to eat on the go, of course I would, I told him I would stop at Starbucks and I got coffee and a sandwich for him. Damn, I forgot my Starbucks card that day and I still need to get it back.
I arrived to my office and realized I forgot my computer at home, I decided to left. I visited the doctor and got some injections 😖💉
I went home and sleep a bit in the noon. After, he wrote me to check how I was since he didn’t see me during lunch. I took my car to wash and he told me that he was leaving on Saturday, as it was planned since the beginning. I was shocked, so fast. I thought we would have more time to spend together, but thanks to Eduardo I realized we didn’t. 
Fabs told me on the company’s chat but I didn’t see it because I was sleeping. I felt a bit sad and empty. 
I had said to Fabs that we should go to take coffee again in that Irish place he liked (excuse for me). He said it was probably going to rain and that I should not leave my house. I said I was feeling better since I just wanted to spend time with him.  
I told him we could get some good to be delivered at home and I did order some Argentinian food that arrived fast at home. He brought a coke.
As usually, there was no a movie to watch. I remember once he kissed me in the face, as I have Faringitis it was not a good idea to kiss and I thought we would not spend another night together due my sickness. 
I asked him about his ideal job and he said it would be to have his own company of software development.. But to make a difference, to create something it would make an impact in the life of others. He is great. I admire him. 
He left around 1 am, he came to my home to check how I was. He said I looked OK. He asked me in the afternoon, how many days you have left? When I told him I went to the doctor. 
When he told me he would come I felt happy, I was jumping of happiness and I got tired. I just like to spend time with him.
Taxi came and we kissed on the lips. I thought maybe I would not see him again. Or maybe yes, on Friday in the office.  

He was joking me how Dr hagrid would be so happy on Friday to inject me and see my ass jaja. Because Fabs is a PM and he doesn’t know how to do it. 

Five minutes 

This quote of Benedetti makes me Think about how many times we dream Something that didn’t happen.

Before meeting Serge I thought we may fall in love and then all our lives would be chaotic in the search of finding out what we would need to do to be together.

But no. We didn’t fall in love.

I daydreamed something that wasn’t real. But isn’t it what a daydream is about?

stuck in nowhere

I just realized how Fast the time past… It is an old saying, but its so true.

Other thing that can fade away are dreams … the more time it past the more difficult is to achieve them. Why? Because we are too settle in our comfort zone.

I remember when I was a teenager .. I wanted to be 18 years old and escape away from my home, from the city, from the country. 10 years later, I didn’t escape. Anyway, I barely remember my dreams, but I remember they were big.

Where did they stay?

I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. I remember I was crazier. I was doing crazy things … ¨meeting¨ crazy men.

I need to do something or I will never do anything in my life.

I have a stable job, but what’s that? It is nothing. Doing the same one more year will drive me crazy.

I decided to quit tomorrow after my boss returned from China, but I need to delay it at least for a week, because I have not a plan.

I just feel I need to jump even if there is not a plan. To jump into the unknown. what’s the worst that can happen? But …what is the best that can happen?

Dont be afraid

The only thing we should fear its fear itself.

I have been waiting so long for the perfect timing. 

Wake up! There is not perfect time. 

It´s time to pursue my dreams now. 

This year is my deadline… I will go. 

Danny, don´t be afraid… or be … but face it.

Stop living in your comfort zone .. do what you need to do to fulfill your life.

Do what God made you to do… 

Something is missing, its time to realize what it is …

Dont be afraid… everything will be fine.

And if things are not fine, you can always go back home … to that loving Mother you have.

If you have those dreams its for some reason.

There´s a master plan for all …just dare to trust yourself and trusts God´s plan.

but, if you dont dare … never complain about what could have been… 

it was your choice..

Just do it … what can go wrong? many things … but what can go right? much more things.

why not?

what stops you? nothing.

Get your health and weight back and move …

dont spend other birthday at home…. do what you always dreamt about … do it now …

Dreams

The other day I had a dream about Josef and some girl he met in my country that I don’t like that much in my dream it was like, maybe they were cheating on me.

Nothing was clear but I was very mad about it…. And I threw him out of my house.

But also I dreamt about the man I met in the green bus. Rodrigo, I dont know why he obssess me that much if I just saw him that day in the bus and other in the street.  In my dream he saw a photo of me and a little girl and he thought I was a good with kids and since he has a little boy he decided it was good to hang with me.

I was asking him why? Why you wanna meet me now?

I woke up.

Why did I get so obsessed?

I don’t know

Now that I remember, he kinda reminds me a boy I met years ago in my teaching classes, Daniel.

I was kinda into him and we celebrate my 23 birthday #goodtimes

Now he lives in another city but he says I can go anytime.  Maybe I should? Sounds like fun. After all, spring is here. Sounds like trouble!

envy is bad

We are taught that envy is bad …

 

but I can´t stop feeling kind of jealous overtime I see her Facebook, she married with a Japanese, lived in Japan and now lives in Finland… seems like is perfect for her having a great husband, a no-worries live and living abroad.

 

I know sure not everything is perfect, but that is my dream .. I want to marry too and live abroad. .. things have not been as I dreamed them, because I never chose to do what it takes to make it real.

 

But also is true that I didn’t meet The One who would take me away with all my baggage as some of my friends did.

 

my other friend went to France and she never came back, now she is married with a French guy and has a beautiful kid …

and me??

 

I am far away of all that …  very far away.

 

I heard you mustn’t search for love, because it comes when you less expected it … but maybe you will never have what you dream and you must accept you reality … 

or maybe you must change your reality until make it be what you wanted to be …

 

I love Josef, but I guess he should stand on his own now … thats what men do, don’t they??

 

Sadly, he is still a student … and cant even make his own living, no way he would help me so we can move together to his country ….

 

everything is so weird ….

 

at the end I see Serg was very smart not beginning something that has no way-to-be.