There´s just 1 plan

I remember when I was younger I always wanted to escape, far away. But, later I realized no matter how far I would go my demons would follow me.

I forgot about that idea and I started living a normal life.

My friends and family thought I was making it.

I was working in an important company and I was making money, I was even a leader and I was hiring people. Me, hiring people… who would say it?

I had a handsome, blond blue-eyed boyfriend, who seem to love me and whom I love with madness.

I even was driving a nice car.

But all that ended. Some years later, Im abroad having a crappy job, no boyfriend, and definitely no car.

I moved away far from home and I think I have wasted a year of my life.

I couldn’t even lose weight during this time.

It is almost the end of January 2019 and the things are not predicted better.

I don’t know what to do.  I know is my Last Card to play. I had planned all in my head, but now that I am here I am alone, bored, broken.

My mom doesn’t want me to return home, not because she doesn’t love me but because she wants  me to succeed here.

I was planning to write what to do.

  1. Study 1 or 2 more years here
  2. Move back home, get a job
  3. Study portuguese in Brasil – Portugal

But it seems, the only plan available is plan 1. Today while talking with my mom, it was a wake up call.

Plus, I guess I could do my Plan 3 during my break, for 1 month at least. It would be fun.

I need to make more money also, and a better job. I need to focus on this.

There’s just plan 1.

 

sounds like a plan ok GIF by Leroy Patterson

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No creo

No creo en nada, pero quiero creer en vos.

Quiero creer que lo mejor siempre está por venir.

Quiero creer en vos.

Quiero creer en nosotros y el futuro.

 

23 June The best version

Today I was listening to the meditation of Deepak Chopra.

He was talking about success …and what is really that?

I believe success is to be true to yourself and do what makes you happy.

So, What am I on Earth for?

I discovered this a couple of months or maybe years ago… I came to this world to SERVE, to help … but this is very broad … I am working to make it more precise, I am here to support people who feel sad, to encourage them.

I am here to hug the ones who feel lonely, because I have felt lonely before.

But now, I want to be the best version of me, to be a real example for others of how to be the best version of theirselves.

today, Saturday 23 of June, I will make this my goal, to encourage others to be the best by being an example of this.

how am I going to attain this?

-Getting a fit body, for health more than beauty

-Daiting the boy I like. I will invite him out. If not, it is fine.

-Letting the past go. Bye Laf, Good Bless you.

-I will be a friend of my friends.

-Getting the job I want.  I deserve the job I want, I willl apply, I won’t be scared.

I can be the best version of me and everybody else can.

I want my life to be a living proof that everything is possible, an example. I want to encourage people.

We met again (31th August)

He spent almost a month in Brazil … later he went to Panama. I quit my job meanwhile .. He came back…on Monday … in fact it was already Tuesday. I was monitoring him in the office chat to check if he was online .. therefore in the office. . but he wasn’t .
I didn’t see him on Tuesday. On Wednesday finally I saw him. He asked me: do you have time for coffee with an old friend? I walked to the other building´s cafeteria to see him. There he was …as always, tall and gorgeous … looking great in that blue jacket.

He hugged me … longer than I expected. He gave me a cup he bought for me . . that says ¨Brasil, beleza¨. He said he chose that when he saw the ¨beleza¨ He thinks I say this world too much. Probably, I do since I think that is what Brazilians say.

We sat down in the table and I told him I quit .. I told him my plans and he said finally it seems I had a ¨plan¨ and that I look very happy about it. I was nervous since he asked me before to do a plan about what I wanted to do … business model canvas (BMC) that according to him we can use it for any plan, so my mind would get used to work in a structured way. He is a PM, at the end. He even told me before he wanted to see the plan. It made me feel like he does care about me … in someway.

Anyway, that was on Wednesday. I want to meet him outside the office madly, that day I went to the gym and I finished tired of boxing, plus there was a small flood outside my house, so it would make difficult to go out or return home later. We didn’t meet that day, but we did the next day.

On Thursday it was my last day of work, Chris told me to go out to have some drinks as my farewell party, Memo also wanted this, but I didn’t have time to think about it since I had to pack all my things and also I wanted to spend the night with Fabs.

So, I moved to a place I booked through Airbnb and I was ready to meet Fabs. He was going on Friday early morning, so there was no other chance to meet. We went to place we visited the first time we went out .. yes, that night when I was dunk and he asked me ¨why don’t you kiss me¨. Dinner was nice, I wasn’t really hungry since before I had dinner and tea with my gym mate Pedro, but ok .. all I really wanted was to be with the Brazilian guy. 

We were chatting and drinking honey beer, jeje, and suddenly a girl gave me a paper to write my comments about the service. He asked me, does it say something about the company? Because I haven’t got any kisses .. .DAMN!!! I had to kiss him!! Why I had not kissed him? I don’t know .. maybe I was not sure he would want to continue with our thing … 

Why can he kiss me first? Anyway, we kissed. I love his kisses. 

I went to the bathroom and when I returned to had already asked and paid the bill.

We called an Uber and we went to his house … (probably because I was living in an Airbnb). Finally we arrived, such a nice house where he lives with some Asians guys from the company.

I saw his room, his table was a mess, a lot of papers there. I saw his guitar, he wanted to play something but he hadn’t had time to adjust the guitar strings.

Finally, he had condoms! So, surely he knew we would end up in his room.

That night, I don’t know why, but sex was not that good as last time. 

When we finished, as he always left my place and never stayed, I was not sure if I should go home or what. I think he told me something as please stay, we slept naked in his bed, it was cold due the fan so we were under the blankets. I remember his body touching my body, his arm around me I think, it was a bit uncomfortable for me but Ok i felt asleep.

He set his alarm at 6 but it didn’t ring. 

At 6:10 my alarm started ringing … that alarm I never heard the days I had to wake up to go to work .. that alarm sounded and saved us .. he put his clothes on fast and packed his suitcase and grabbed his guitar …

I told him there was a bus at 7,30 that he could take to the airport.

He said we would ask for an Uber to take him to the bus station and then it can bring me home. 

So, we did it. There he was with his suitcase and his guitar … he really looks good even at 6 am ..

He grabbed my hand during the way to the bus station, for me this was very strange because I always felt wall between us .. maybe he didn’t want to stay too close and thats why he never spent the night at my place. I don’t know … should I spend time to think what he felt? I am not sure, maybe I just need to realize he CARES about me … in his way …but he does. 

We arrived …. He kissed me and he said . see you in M City. 

By WhatsApp we don’t talk that much, in fact, he is not online that much there ..and all the time we spent together …he can stay hours without looking as his cellphone …

So, I don’t wanna write to him anymore, probably we will meet in October, when he returns.  

I don’t want to think about you 

I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.

I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?

I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him  his surname.

So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe 

Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later. 

I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.

But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I  would ever meet again Fab. 

I have been thinking a lot  about  him lately. I should stop it. 

I don’t want to think about you. 

I’m not in love with him.  I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.

No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go … 

Now go away of my thoughts…

I am in love

Finally I stopped being obsessed with Rock. 

I took me so much time, but now I am healed.

I confess we could have done so many things, but we did nothing.

Such things happen. I hope he is fine.

Quings seems to finally accept the fact I am not for him, and he has stopped bothering me. I always said  this would end. I didn’t want to be mean, but he is not the one for me.

but I don’t wanna be rude, so I will keep in touch with him.

Plus, I forgot we went on a long weekend trip together and he was a mess… and I don’t wanna repeat the experience we had together …it was just … no what I expected.

I am in love with other king of man …

with a classy, polite, smart, elegant, gentle guy …

A guy who open the doors for a girl, who respects her and wants to protect her ..

a man I am still looking for…

he is somewhere … I need to be ready …to be the best of me …so when I find him…he will find me

Fooled again

I did quit my job by chat since my boss was in Costa Rica.

We talked face to face when he came back. He said much. He promised he was fighting to get me a salary increase (lie) and that I can stop being in charge of MX and focus in auditory (sounds boring, right?).

So, few days later Charlie and I are training the new guys who will be in charge of our job. They are not so good, one is careless and the girl a bit distracted.  I don’t know how that will end.

I’m heading to Europe on Sunday. Hope my work will survive and that I can do better for my new job activities, that my boss said will include traveling and give trainings.

So far that’s all in the mine coal… I will keep you posted. 😉