I don’t want to think about you 

I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.

I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?

I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him  his surname.

So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe 

Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later. 

I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.

But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I  would ever meet again Fab. 

I have been thinking a lot  about  him lately. I should stop it. 

I don’t want to think about you. 

I’m not in love with him.  I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.

No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go … 

Now go away of my thoughts…

I am in love

Finally I stopped being obsessed with Rock. 

I took me so much time, but now I am healed.

I confess we could have done so many things, but we did nothing.

Such things happen. I hope he is fine.

Quings seems to finally accept the fact I am not for him, and he has stopped bothering me. I always said  this would end. I didn’t want to be mean, but he is not the one for me.

but I don’t wanna be rude, so I will keep in touch with him.

Plus, I forgot we went on a long weekend trip together and he was a mess… and I don’t wanna repeat the experience we had together …it was just … no what I expected.

I am in love with other king of man …

with a classy, polite, smart, elegant, gentle guy …

A guy who open the doors for a girl, who respects her and wants to protect her ..

a man I am still looking for…

he is somewhere … I need to be ready …to be the best of me …so when I find him…he will find me

Fooled again

I did quit my job by chat since my boss was in Costa Rica.

We talked face to face when he came back. He said much. He promised he was fighting to get me a salary increase (lie) and that I can stop being in charge of MX and focus in auditory (sounds boring, right?).

So, few days later Charlie and I are training the new guys who will be in charge of our job. They are not so good, one is careless and the girl a bit distracted.  I don’t know how that will end.

I’m heading to Europe on Sunday. Hope my work will survive and that I can do better for my new job activities, that my boss said will include traveling and give trainings.

So far that’s all in the mine coal… I will keep you posted. 😉

TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

Jos  talked to me,  he said that  we should start acting as single since we are both in different countries.  I said he was right.

Maybe he had an urge to get laid with that girl from his college,  maybe he is just tired.

I agreed.

He deserves  to be happy and I would like him to spend his bday being loved,  hugged,  kissed,  even if it’s by other girl.

There is no need to run for  happiness. 

….
At job,  Charly and I will quit next month. He wants to go first but I am worried that it would look suspicious  if I quit some days later…

Rosa told me I was a key member…  Key member that haven’t got a rise since July 2013 and that works,  works and works….

It need to be done.  I don’t wanna keep all the workload without Charlie and my flight to Portugal is ready.

here we are…

many things have changed … nothing changed….

I am still here, in the same room, with the same people and … yet alone.

Josef left 2 or 3 weeks ago, I cant even remember exactly the date. I thought I would be devastated, I was not.
We spent almost 3 months together, we fought less, we had a better time but I noticed what I noticed last year…. something was missed … I still care about him, love him … but not the same love I felt the first times we met.

He screw it up. I screw it up and suddenly I was not anymore that girl …that girl in love with that gorgeous guy. I did love him like I never loved before, but something happened at the end … his mistakes, my mistakes … changed me.

I dont know if he still feel the same way about me …he says he does, but he confessed he knows I dont love him anymore. I do love him, but not as before, not as he deserves.

again, I was thinking in other things, in the stupid Rock for example, but finally I deleted him from my skype and it means he is deleted from my life too. He was again rude with me … me greeting him and he just trying to get rid of me…why it did take me so long to realize HE WAS NOT INTO ME???? I was so stupid.

I mean I know I must go after what I want but if he doesn’t react, then he is a dumb ass or not into me …and both are perfectly fine … I can move on, need to move on.

So, men, men, men, it is always about men …about love.

So far, Rock is gone, Josef is going to his homeland and I dont know when I will meet him again.
During his time here, he got wasted and puked 3 times in our tent, yes, the tent where we were in… I was super worried taking care of him, trying to figure out how to avoid him to go to swim in the river at night being totally drunk.

And yes, trying to prevent he would die on his own vomit. That day I got mad, no, no, I got disappointed once again, we were in a trip, I supposed men shouldn’t get wasted when they are alone with their beloved one… but not Josef, for him was ok, to hang with new boys and girl he just met and get devastated, that is his idea of fun … btw, he is 25, not 16.

So, he got wasted and then his beloved girlfriend had to take care of him. I am not again getting drunk, but I get there is a time and moment for everything in life. He cant get drunk with his friends and trying to swim in a dangerous river if he can … but please, do it in your country … I dont want you to die here I said.

ok, I decided I dont need to take care of a baby … point less for our Josef.

It was dark, and he let me go alone to find the bathroom .. I could have fall, being robbed, kidnaped, etc. I want a man who would escort me during a dangerous night… not a knight who will let me go on my own. Other point less Mr.

so… he is not the one, I can see it now ….

We have another character for the past…yes, E. Kin. who seems to be in love with me since ever and forever … Jesus, after 2 years we met because he told me he was sick, so I was worried he would die or something. At the end he said nothing but that he would like to be my boyfriend …what the hell?

how could I tell him that I am in fact interesting in one of his coworkers??

Life is complicated …

right now, I am looking forward to quit at the end of this year …. but I need to figure out what to do next ….

dream 2

I dreamt I was with  a fortune teller and that she told me my future was in the UK, but that I shouldn’t believe I could make it on my own, like getting a job wouldn´t be easy, but that I have the support of my mom and that I should be nice with her, controlling my madness.