I don’t want to think about you 

I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.

I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?

I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him  his surname.

So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe 

Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later. 

I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.

But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I  would ever meet again Fab. 

I have been thinking a lot  about  him lately. I should stop it. 

I don’t want to think about you. 

I’m not in love with him.  I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.

No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go … 

Now go away of my thoughts…

Brainstorm of him 

Capoeria

The older brother 

Washing car business when young 

Worked in air engineering 

External business of software development 

He said he is an Ugly Brazilian 

Good football player 

He sitting as a God in my chair 

No one can stay next to you in bed and do nothing 

Hates cactus (nopal)

I don’t like girls paying 

Espresso Doble cortado

Difficult to please 

He is not a slave of his mobile phone 

“come to me “

You are dangerous 

Acting weird when we meet in the office in a place that is not the cafeteria

Why don’t you kiss me? 😘😘😘 (first kiss)

This is part of the game, going out, drinks… 

While drinking… Taste this (he wants to kiss me) 

What could go wrong? Everything went wrong… We could even become parents… 

Abacaxi

He likes rocks 

Apple fan

Miami

You are crazier that I thought 

Don’t send me a picture with green hair, I want to remember you as now..

He put my name and a pic of me in a bus picture… he took time for this, this must mean something right?




Friday 21th Saturday 22th July, 2017 

He left yesterday, on Saturday 22th July. He left my house around 05:30 am, I was waiting for his taxi to arrive. It was cold, he put my jacket hat on me. When the taxi arrived I said stupid things, like see you soon, or maybe never… I think words were not necessary.  
After being in the Irish pub he said he would go with home to make sure I was safe. I was not sure if we would sleep together again. He didn’t let me drink this night.  
We arrived home. I literally told him “estou com vontade de você”. I wanted him. I forgot my sickness and I started kissing him. I took off my shirt. He wanted it too. 
So, this was your plan since the beginning? He said. I replied I thought we would only have dinner. You are dangerous he added. I know why he told me dangerous many things. He could not help himself, he wanted me. That’s why he ran away from me that day of the movies. He likes me, I think he likes me very much. 
We made love on that Saturday early morning. The first time we were both sober. We didn’t have condoms. He promise he would be careful to not cum inside me again. 
Before I thought I was just a sexual object for him, a fun, there he just used me. But this night he was different with me, that’s why I said we made love. He kissed me a lot, he kissed my body, and was very nice with me. There was a kind of tenderness between us. 
He had to stop around three times in order to not finish. He counted and even thought about his panda boss. He told me to stop doing a thing that drove him crazy (I didn’t know it was working). 
That night was special for me. At the end I was caressing his face. 
I got closer to him. He is not very open to people, but this night we got closer. I feel “loved” and sex was good, hehe. 
I just hope there’s no a baby asconsequence a of such great night 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Thursday 20th July 2017

On Wednesday I decided to avoid gym, I had taken the postday pills on Monday and I was feeling weak after a new session of kickboxing with the new trainer. 
I arrived early at home to find bound Hector was not longer living in the house. I suppose it was OK since he had been a pain in the bass during the last couple of days. This was the end of my favorite roomies. 
I put my shorts on but I probably left my room twice when I went to wash my bandage for kickboxing. Probably, it was d there when I got sick. I was doing so stuff to finish a report and suddenly at night I feel pain in my throat. I thought with sleep and tea all would be fine next day. 
On Thursday, Fabs asked me if I could grab him anything to eat on the go, of course I would, I told him I would stop at Starbucks and I got coffee and a sandwich for him. Damn, I forgot my Starbucks card that day and I still need to get it back.
I arrived to my office and realized I forgot my computer at home, I decided to left. I visited the doctor and got some injections 😖💉
I went home and sleep a bit in the noon. After, he wrote me to check how I was since he didn’t see me during lunch. I took my car to wash and he told me that he was leaving on Saturday, as it was planned since the beginning. I was shocked, so fast. I thought we would have more time to spend together, but thanks to Eduardo I realized we didn’t. 
Fabs told me on the company’s chat but I didn’t see it because I was sleeping. I felt a bit sad and empty. 
I had said to Fabs that we should go to take coffee again in that Irish place he liked (excuse for me). He said it was probably going to rain and that I should not leave my house. I said I was feeling better since I just wanted to spend time with him.  
I told him we could get some good to be delivered at home and I did order some Argentinian food that arrived fast at home. He brought a coke.
As usually, there was no a movie to watch. I remember once he kissed me in the face, as I have Faringitis it was not a good idea to kiss and I thought we would not spend another night together due my sickness. 
I asked him about his ideal job and he said it would be to have his own company of software development.. But to make a difference, to create something it would make an impact in the life of others. He is great. I admire him. 
He left around 1 am, he came to my home to check how I was. He said I looked OK. He asked me in the afternoon, how many days you have left? When I told him I went to the doctor. 
When he told me he would come I felt happy, I was jumping of happiness and I got tired. I just like to spend time with him.
Taxi came and we kissed on the lips. I thought maybe I would not see him again. Or maybe yes, on Friday in the office.  

He was joking me how Dr hagrid would be so happy on Friday to inject me and see my ass jaja. Because Fabs is a PM and he doesn’t know how to do it. 

And he never wrote again

I thought my tinder date was fine but he never wrote me again after that message saying he arrived home fine.

I did start  the conversation twice but he wasn’t very chatty.  It’s fine.

I doubt he will write me again.  Maybe because he is too much into dancing  and I’m not that much.  Maybe because…  I really don’t know and don’t care.  It’s fine.

The other day I was driving and suddenly I thought that maybe Rock is married and probably he just found out about the baby girl when we met and that’s why he never wanted to see me.

After months he searched me again.  I don’t know why.

I decided stop worried about what Rock or Charlie might want. Both seem no to be interested in me and that’s fine.

Kids hope you are OK.

I cancelled my tinder account.  I might open it again when I lost 10 kilos and get cured of my colitis.

Life is good with or without a boy.

First tinder date

Yes,  I did it.  I joined tinder.

And I had many matches but one catched my eye: Karl.

So,  on Friday was a surprised meeting in a pizza house so celebrate my friend Therese.  A friend of her contacted me by Facebook so I could join them.

All was OK.  I even told Jose Luis to meet to go together  since I didn’t want to go on my own. But I also had a chance to meet my tinder date.

I said to Jl the celebration  was cancelled and went on a date. 
Be risky,  a friend will have more birthdays.

It was bad from me.

Anyway I met him in a mall near home we agreed to go to the cinema so we can hug  I thought he was kidding but he wasn’t.

He arrived one hour late because of the traffic and rain but OK he arrived.  He looked cuter on pic but he is not bad at all.  I like his right jeans and his bracelet. 

We had to wait for the movie for almost an hour and we talked a lot.  He is quite different,  crazy,  honest,  transparent.

I don’t know if I like him as boyfriend or lover but I do feel attraction about some of his features that are quite attractive.

He says he can see the halo of people and that mine is violet. He drove me home. He is nice.

We saw insurgent 3D and he said let’s hug  and we did and I liked it. It was very comfortable.

He loves to dance but I don’t dance quite well that can be a big inconvenient for us…

We will see maybe he is yellow.

wrong bus

I guess I got to meet him the 2th of September. I got extremely excited. AS usual I thought …oh he could be the one. 

The one….

next day after meeting him in a bus I arrived to my work place and had a email from him. I was more than happy. 

We started talking on Skype and as my friends told me I shouldn’t invite him out, he must be the one who needs to show interest.

Days passed and passed …

He even saved my phone number and whatsapp me once. Later, he barely reply to my messages. 

Time passed and he never invited me out or made any move to see us again …

I was ok, since I couldn’t go out with him since Josef was here. 

yes, that fucks me so much … Roger came to my life just few days before Josef´s arrival and he stole part of my mind… I should have focus on Josef but my mind and heart was wandering after this guy that I just saw once in the bus.

He was just wandering there … walking there …invading me and the time I had to fully enjoy next to Josef.

What was Roger hiding?

One of the many time when I asked him when would we meet … (he was supposed to come to my office to install something) he said just gimme an opportunity to put things in order.

What did he need to put in order?

He asked me for my Facebook but I told him I didn’t have .. I didn’t want him to see Josef … 

I decided to look for him and saw some of his pictures … on one there was he with a baby …

I was suspicious he could be a father ..

DAys later he told me ..you need to know I have a little one of four years old …

I acted as there was no problem, because there was no problem …

Then he would finally go over my building …

He said he moved everything and almost killed his boss in order to do that project in my building …

He called me by phone, he talked for 15 minutes …

I was going to see him next day …

The day came, I took one of my best outfits … tight pants and a blue blouse, I was looking gorgeous …

He told me on Skype, Dani, just some details and we go to your building and I will look for you ….

what time? I asked.

IT is a surprise …

It really was because he never showed up…

I wrote him on whatsapp and on Skype but he never replied…

I was waiting ..he never came…

Next day I wrote him on Skype but I didn’t mention anything about yesterdays.

He was moody because he said he just slept one hour …

After days playing with his Skype updates …he wrote ..he fall in love with a woman of a green dress that he saw on his office floor …

that was a kick in my heart …

Daniel just told me …he just showed you he doesn’t give a fuck about you…

thats true …

I deleted him phone number from my mobile to stop writing him like that day I wrote him drunk at 5 am saying .. I fucking like you. 

and so far.. We haven’t talked in a week….

I did all I could to show him I was interested, but ok, I cant force people to be with me …

I am starting to get over him, after all I just met him once in my life …

but I must confess he is bipolar … he talked to me  at times like someone in love and others like if I was nothing (I guess I am).

So, this shows how pathetic my life is that I get super excited for having some illusion in my gray life …