I don’t want to think about you 

I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.

I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?

I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him  his surname.

So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe 

Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later. 

I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.

But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I  would ever meet again Fab. 

I have been thinking a lot  about  him lately. I should stop it. 

I don’t want to think about you. 

I’m not in love with him.  I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.

No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go … 

Now go away of my thoughts…

stuck in nowhere

I just realized how Fast the time past… It is an old saying, but its so true.

Other thing that can fade away are dreams … the more time it past the more difficult is to achieve them. Why? Because we are too settle in our comfort zone.

I remember when I was a teenager .. I wanted to be 18 years old and escape away from my home, from the city, from the country. 10 years later, I didn’t escape. Anyway, I barely remember my dreams, but I remember they were big.

Where did they stay?

I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. I remember I was crazier. I was doing crazy things … ¨meeting¨ crazy men.

I need to do something or I will never do anything in my life.

I have a stable job, but what’s that? It is nothing. Doing the same one more year will drive me crazy.

I decided to quit tomorrow after my boss returned from China, but I need to delay it at least for a week, because I have not a plan.

I just feel I need to jump even if there is not a plan. To jump into the unknown. what’s the worst that can happen? But …what is the best that can happen?

Fooled again

I did quit my job by chat since my boss was in Costa Rica.

We talked face to face when he came back. He said much. He promised he was fighting to get me a salary increase (lie) and that I can stop being in charge of MX and focus in auditory (sounds boring, right?).

So, few days later Charlie and I are training the new guys who will be in charge of our job. They are not so good, one is careless and the girl a bit distracted.  I don’t know how that will end.

I’m heading to Europe on Sunday. Hope my work will survive and that I can do better for my new job activities, that my boss said will include traveling and give trainings.

So far that’s all in the mine coal… I will keep you posted. 😉

TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

Jos  talked to me,  he said that  we should start acting as single since we are both in different countries.  I said he was right.

Maybe he had an urge to get laid with that girl from his college,  maybe he is just tired.

I agreed.

He deserves  to be happy and I would like him to spend his bday being loved,  hugged,  kissed,  even if it’s by other girl.

There is no need to run for  happiness. 

….
At job,  Charly and I will quit next month. He wants to go first but I am worried that it would look suspicious  if I quit some days later…

Rosa told me I was a key member…  Key member that haven’t got a rise since July 2013 and that works,  works and works….

It need to be done.  I don’t wanna keep all the workload without Charlie and my flight to Portugal is ready.

its time

The time is here ..

I am gonna quit my job… after more than 3 years ..

I was cleaning my stuff when I found out my diplomas of Spanish Teacher .. I found two of them …

I put them in a folder … its time to use them ..

I am kind of nervous, but I should not .. its the time ..

IF I dont do it now, I would never do it … 

here we are…

many things have changed … nothing changed….

I am still here, in the same room, with the same people and … yet alone.

Josef left 2 or 3 weeks ago, I cant even remember exactly the date. I thought I would be devastated, I was not.
We spent almost 3 months together, we fought less, we had a better time but I noticed what I noticed last year…. something was missed … I still care about him, love him … but not the same love I felt the first times we met.

He screw it up. I screw it up and suddenly I was not anymore that girl …that girl in love with that gorgeous guy. I did love him like I never loved before, but something happened at the end … his mistakes, my mistakes … changed me.

I dont know if he still feel the same way about me …he says he does, but he confessed he knows I dont love him anymore. I do love him, but not as before, not as he deserves.

again, I was thinking in other things, in the stupid Rock for example, but finally I deleted him from my skype and it means he is deleted from my life too. He was again rude with me … me greeting him and he just trying to get rid of me…why it did take me so long to realize HE WAS NOT INTO ME???? I was so stupid.

I mean I know I must go after what I want but if he doesn’t react, then he is a dumb ass or not into me …and both are perfectly fine … I can move on, need to move on.

So, men, men, men, it is always about men …about love.

So far, Rock is gone, Josef is going to his homeland and I dont know when I will meet him again.
During his time here, he got wasted and puked 3 times in our tent, yes, the tent where we were in… I was super worried taking care of him, trying to figure out how to avoid him to go to swim in the river at night being totally drunk.

And yes, trying to prevent he would die on his own vomit. That day I got mad, no, no, I got disappointed once again, we were in a trip, I supposed men shouldn’t get wasted when they are alone with their beloved one… but not Josef, for him was ok, to hang with new boys and girl he just met and get devastated, that is his idea of fun … btw, he is 25, not 16.

So, he got wasted and then his beloved girlfriend had to take care of him. I am not again getting drunk, but I get there is a time and moment for everything in life. He cant get drunk with his friends and trying to swim in a dangerous river if he can … but please, do it in your country … I dont want you to die here I said.

ok, I decided I dont need to take care of a baby … point less for our Josef.

It was dark, and he let me go alone to find the bathroom .. I could have fall, being robbed, kidnaped, etc. I want a man who would escort me during a dangerous night… not a knight who will let me go on my own. Other point less Mr.

so… he is not the one, I can see it now ….

We have another character for the past…yes, E. Kin. who seems to be in love with me since ever and forever … Jesus, after 2 years we met because he told me he was sick, so I was worried he would die or something. At the end he said nothing but that he would like to be my boyfriend …what the hell?

how could I tell him that I am in fact interesting in one of his coworkers??

Life is complicated …

right now, I am looking forward to quit at the end of this year …. but I need to figure out what to do next ….

fast update

many things have happened ..

I discovered it really sucks not to know what happened in your life in the past…

I meant, since I started writing my first blog I saw it was really cool being able to read what you were feeling-facing-living in some period of your life.

I will try to write a fast sumary.

Rodrigo  – Never saw it again… I dont chat to him anymore, tho I must confess I felt very bad last week the stress at work, the flowers that kikiri boo said to me and work and some mistake I did at work… made me feel very nervous.. I had a panic attack. So, I went to eat to the restaurant Eat-Eat and I feel he could be there, I felt he could appear from nowhere and I feel catch that made me feel even worst that evening.

I wanted to cry ..to go home. I went to the bathroom and put some water on my face. I was nervous because I had to drive back home and I still dont know the way. I dont know why I am so absent-minded.

I also dont drive so well, yet, which really sucks, but OK I think all is a matter of practice. I have had 2 little accidents at home while parking.. dammit. My mother made me feel bad andnervous, instead encourage me to drive, she makes me feel as piece of shit.

But ok, I must still be brave, coz I need to drive … I cant live in buses and metro forever …

Work, pfff, I wanted to quit a couple of times. I have been doing mistake and I hold my responsability but the local office guys …men, they are such bastards and have a bad attitude towards me.. anyway they need to add more fiber to their diet.

It´s ok, I can face it..

Love, Josef is still in Europe.

I still kinda chasing Fergie, thing, I should stop doing. Some months ago we went to beer factory, had some liters of beer after the office … we were a bit typsi, trying to get the way out of the Mall…we crashed into each other …finshed being face to face and we kissed …. it was very sweet.

I kissed in his car also during the red lights … I wont lie,  I did enjoy it.

WE kissed while walking in the parking lot, but I do must confess the kisses were short, inocent … not much tongue. After that night everything changed, he avoides me now and he even said to me forgive me for last night.. I shouldnt.

I got a bit mad, how he dares!!!?? He was eager to do it, I could feel it, I could see it in his eyes during all the time we were on that table.

Anyway, it is ok.  I dont want him as a formal boyfriend.. but I do enjoy his company and its not nice he kind of ignores me.

I will start ignore him 😀 .. tho, I do like him as friend.

Other engineer …. Kings…he is still in love with me, he went to eat quesadillas once, we made out, but come on it was a friendly thing, he shoudnt have thought we would go be in a relationship …  we barely talk and see each other, he is a good boy after all.

Kikiri boo, dammit, he will never give up…seems so, but he is totally stuck in the Friend Zone,  he is very nice but I am not into shagging him lol, not even into making out with him… I am sorry .. maybe he could start losing weight  😀

Fer  2 …never saw him after the Xmas party at work … ok, I lie ..I did see him once again in my office, he greeted me but mothing more. Maybe I should have acted, or maybe he wasnt into me seems I finished in the xmas party dancing with tac engineers and Fergie (I think they dislike each other).

New Fer, I met him during a concert on Valentine’s day, I saw him, tall and handsome. I approached to him and we were dancing and kissing aaaaallll night. At the end, I felt kinda bad since I didnt even know him name..  he got my phone and called me next week. We met again, he looked so …. poorly dressed .. well, he is still a student …but still, he didnt need a tailor made suit, but he looked like he didnt care about his looks, which decrease his attractiveness (Even thought, he is veeeery tall, has gorgeous eyes and a  nice tan), pluuus, he is also a student ..at his 24 years … WTF! No doubt, he has not a penny. Sorry, but at my age I do chase other kind of men … at least with a job.

Thats all about men ..

ohhh, at the office I liked one boy Alex but it turns out that he is married…and Viktor …he seems into me but maybe he is just polite, anyway he told me I was very pretty and likeable.  That makes me feel well.

I do think I am pretty, tho I feel kinda fat now …but the fact is that I dont do anything about it .

I excused behind my knee pain, but luckily my legs are much better.

So, lets make a plan for the future, exercise, rock at work, get some boys and some fun.

Also, I do have a new computer and a tablet… tho, I should have bought the slimmest laptop and a smaller tablet  😛