Est-ce que je t’ai parlé de Julian?

Il était mon collègue au travail.

Il était calme et facile à vivre.

Je n’ai jamais remarqué, jusqu’à un jour, que je voyais ses bras pendant qu’il se rendait à la cafétéria.

Il va définitivement au gym, je pensais.

Je l’aimais.

Il était plutôt beau.

Il est allé au cinéma une fois, alors que personne d’autre ne voulait y aller.

A partir de ce jour, nous sommes allés au cinéma presque tous les mercredis.

Une fois, nous sommes même allés dans une autre ville pour une excursion d’une journée.

Nous n’avons jamais embrassé ou quoi que ce soit.

mais j’ai apprécié mon temps avec lui.

Quand j’ai quitté, il a gardé le contact avec moi. Beaucoup d’autres personnes ne l’ont pas fait.

Je l’ai rencontré pour peu de temps, mais il est toujours mon ami.

Je me souviens que je me suis endormi au cinéma une fois, il s’en souvient aussi, il se moque de moi.

Je ne veux pas oublier ça.


23 June The best version

Today I was listening to the meditation of Deepak Chopra.

He was talking about success …and what is really that?

I believe success is to be true to yourself and do what makes you happy.

So, What am I on Earth for?

I discovered this a couple of months or maybe years ago… I came to this world to SERVE, to help … but this is very broad … I am working to make it more precise, I am here to support people who feel sad, to encourage them.

I am here to hug the ones who feel lonely, because I have felt lonely before.

But now, I want to be the best version of me, to be a real example for others of how to be the best version of theirselves.

today, Saturday 23 of June, I will make this my goal, to encourage others to be the best by being an example of this.

how am I going to attain this?

-Getting a fit body, for health more than beauty

-Daiting the boy I like. I will invite him out. If not, it is fine.

-Letting the past go. Bye Laf, Good Bless you.

-I will be a friend of my friends.

-Getting the job I want.  I deserve the job I want, I willl apply, I won’t be scared.

I can be the best version of me and everybody else can.

I want my life to be a living proof that everything is possible, an example. I want to encourage people.

It’s never too late

I came to my home city but I didn’t tell much people. I thought because I wouldn’t have enough time to meet everyone and that’s true.

Well, the few friends I expected to see I didn’t. Because maybe they were too busy or didn’t care to see me. I cried yesterday, even when I act like things don’t matter.

I do believe, everyone was busy and the rainy weather didn’t help. On the other hand, people as Peter, Karen and Mill would probably have loved to meet me but I didn’t even tell them I was going.

Then I realized I much do much more with my friends, the ones back home and the news ones. I know money is a matter now that I live abroad, pay an expensive rent and earn almost minimum wage… But I shouldn’t let this to stop me going out with my friends.

Like that Sunday when Ray invited me out and I didn’t go. I just used Amy as excuse. I meant she was sad at home but I didn’t want to go also.

I think because I am lazy but I need to overcome this. Need to hang out more with friends and family.

It also made me sad I practically don’t see more of my family..

I thought about writing more to my friends and even maybe video call them to keep the relationship strong.

I need to go out more with friends.
Write my old friends.
Write to my family.

I can change now.. It’s. Not late.

And next time I’m Going back home. I will let everybody know in advance…


This should be the second or maybe the third time I think I might die…

The first could be when I was in a low cost flight from Amsterdam to Prague. The flight attendant went row by row to ask us to turn off all our devices. Airplane mode wasn’t enough. We had to turn off our devices that was weird. Sergey was in panic because he hates flying, but we landed well.

So I won’t count this experience then.

So, the first time I thought “that’s it” was when a big earthquake hit my city in 2017. Some days before there was an earthquake too. I usually not afraid of earth movements but I was starting to panic because this was taking too long.

Luckily, it stopped. It was just a preparation for what was coming.

I think it was a Thursday, I was in the gym when I started feeling something was moving. I looked at the guy who was cleaning and he just agreed with his eyes to my doubt that it was tembling.

We rapidly left the gym, but we had to leave one by one thru a small space. Then in the stairs an old lady was being helped to go down. So the rest of all we were after her. In that moment I thought that’s it, my end. I wanted to cry. I was about crying. Then I came back to sanity and we were safely on the ground.

After this experience. I had nervous issues for almost a month.

The second time, was today during my flight. The crew told us there were gonna be turbulence, but it was really scary. The first thought that came to my mind was my mom. She would be destroyed if something happened to me. If something happened I would like my mom to carry on, maybe “adopt” one of my old friends like a daughter. I love my mom and I would like her to be happy even without me.

My eyes watered. This time I felt sad by leaving my mom behind. Last time, we were in such a hurry that we didn’t have time to be nostalgic.

I love my mom, but I think I should tell her that if someday I’m not with her, she should enjoy life, spend her money, help the poor.


It’s been a while since the last time I wrote.

Wednesday, May 16

Last time I wrote, I was “in love” of Fabs, the Brazilian guy. Months have passed since then. And today I talked with him, hehe.

At the moment I’m not romantically involved with any man. Sadly or wisely.

I moved to Canada in January 2nd.

I remember I used to be concerned about how it would be before I was applying for my study program. But I did it and I have been here for four months already.

Time flies.

At school I made a friend from my city but in February she started dating with a Swiss guy from our class, now they are in a relationship and we don’t hang out anymore. During all January we used to hang out practically every weekend and sometimes after class. Thanks to her I joined the gym.

Later, I met other friends. I think, tho I am not sure if they can be called friends and I don’t Care.

This was my chance to start again but I think I haven’t changed a lot or maybe I did.

Later I made friends of my roommates that are mostly from my same country and from a young girl from Vietnam. She is still a teenager so sometimes she is annoying hehe.

I started worked at a restaurant. OMG! I hate when I have to go, but I haven’t gone in 3 days and I already missed it.

Yesterday, I decided to go to my work party in the south of the province. OMG, it was so far away. I arrived late because I had to go to school, but I am glad I went to the party.

I met my Brazilian coworker in the last subway station and then we took a bus and walked and got lost so finally at 17hrs we made it.

I got surprised this girl is just 19 yo, this is crazy I am so much older than her..  :O

I spent a nice time even if I just stayed few hours to the party. At the end, a girl wanted to leave and I said, ok I can go with you. Which, was a good decision so I actually arrived faster to my home and I had to chanced to talk to her. She is older than me, and she is also here studying and well, she is living and facing the same things I am.

Something, Eduard told me before was that we need friends of our age or older and that is totally fine. I mostly hang with younger people but I need friends of my age or older, so I can grow up more .

Late Late Late

My period was soo late this month.

Around 13-15 days.

This was the second time in all my life that my period comes so late.

The first time was in January 2018, after spending my holidays in Prague.

and now in this May. I wasn’t worried because I didn’t get laid like in ages.

But still it makes me wonder if maybe something was wrong with my body.

I think I should start eating better.