It´s over .. adiós

Today I had a dream about Josef, I dreamt he came to see me, he was looking very good and I told him something like I almost don talk to you because I dont want to know that you have someone else in your life, I cant stand that. I cant see you happy with someone else.

After my dream I wrote to him that we should meet. I thought we could meet again before deciding if we belong together or not. His answer were not so clear. He told me he had someone now (as I thought) and that even she might be pregnant now.

That´s all.

All I needed to now. It is over.

Maybe God is saving me from something. I remember many things I didnt like about Josef, like his lack of ambition.

I think is better this way.

I cried, yes I did. I won´t deny it.

Maybe is my fear of staying alone forever. But I shouldnt see people as an option.

Yesterday, José wrote me and told me he got divorced and that we would love to see me .. maybe from there was that I dreamt about Josef.

He never told me personal details of his life .. I did … I told him about the brazilians, etc.

He just told me once he would marry one girl there. When he was drunk a couple of times he sent me messages saying I am the one that I should go fast or all is over.

But now all is over.

It is ok, so I don´t see him as an option.

And now I’m glad I didn’t know 
The way it all would end the way it all would go 
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain 
But I’d have to miss the dance 

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I don’t want to think about you 

I got my period, so I suppose I’m not pregnant.

I thought about the possibilities. What would I have done if I was pregnant?

I think I would have had the baby, even with his dad living in Brazil. I would just have asked him to give him  his surname.

So, I could tell my son “your dad is Brazilian, syou will be a soccer player.” Hehe 

Yesterday iin the restaurant I was having lunch I saw two little boys in the table next to mine. I imagined how my child would and how I could be with him in the same restaurant some months later. 

I would like to have a baby boy..But I don’t think Fab and I would be together not even for a child.

But all these ideas are stupid. I’m not pregnant and maybe I  would ever meet again Fab. 

I have been thinking a lot  about  him lately. I should stop it. 

I don’t want to think about you. 

I’m not in love with him.  I don’t miss him. But I bet he would be a good dad and he definitely would provide a good DNA for a child.

No matter what I would get a pregnancy test, just in case. Second time in a year, way to go … 

Now go away of my thoughts…