I decided the Brazilians guys were over. I decided to move on. I even told Josef about them. I don’t expect to see Josef anymore, so why not? What we had is over.Plus, I don’t want him to have any illusion about me.
So, why does it bother me when he does not write me? Maybe, it hits my ego, but it is the natural way of things to finish. We are not a couple anymore.
So, Fabs came back and he just told me on whatsapp after days without writing me anything at all. Maybe he didn’t write me because I saw the picture of he with his little daughter, so I assume he assumes (lol) now I know he is married. Perhaps he thinks I have a problem with this …do I? No, I don’t have it at all. In fact, I always knew he was married, I saw his rings a couple of times. I was just pretending I didn’t know to calm down my guilt.
Guilt? Why should I be guilty? I can’t go around asking to all the men I met .. are you married? It is his sin, not mine. Or at least, I want to think like that.
People can get lonely. We were lonely. To be honest, he is kinda boring I am always the one who talks and tells funny stories. But I find him very attractive and… I don’t know anyone else who I want to sleep with now.
I know this relation can’t go anywhere.. and that is pretty fine for me.
I was thinking that all last year was amazing, because I was living in other city, enough far to allow me to live life the way I wanted. Thinking seriously, I brought home 4 guys to my house … Ed which was a total lame in bed, Sam, who didn’t know that inviting someone over to watch Netflix means to get laid (that wasn’t my intentions to him), my coworker who just went to my home to have a nap… and Fab ..who is fabulous.
I dislike living back here. I need to tell where I am going… I am not free as before, and certainly I can not bring someone home. Also, moving here is more difficult and expensive. Such stories could not have passed in other city than in Q. I love Q.
I won’t write him anymore. I am not sure of what I should do. Well, I am under recovery after a surgery I had last Tuesday and I still not sure where the stitches can be removed. Sometimes, when I do some movements, I feel as if they could ¨break¨ and that is certainly something I want to avoid. I think the Canada plan would delay to 2018, since I want to be totally sure of my recovery. A week has passed and I still feel them numb… I hope it will end soon.
Fab was talking to me long .. because he had questions about he skydiving .. I wonder if that is just the reason … or if he wants to see me too. Well, I am sure he wants to meet, if not why he told me he is back …as Panda said its surely not to go to the library to read.
Thats fine for me … I don’t want him for something serious.