It’s being a long time since I don’t write anything.
I am just too stuck in my daily life, specially in my work.
Nothing has really changed. I haven’t seen Josep for more than a year and I don’t miss him. I think I never missed him.
For a long time I thought he was the one but I think everything was broken after his mistake of the first year.
I was remembering that during the second year it was when I met this other guy in the bus… This meeting didn’t go further… But I thought it would. And I was ready to leave everything to start all over again. Why didn’t I do it? I’m not sure. I suppose it has always been hard for me to let go…
This second year we only were together for one month. I don’t remember much about this time. It was all very fast.
Then my mind and heart were wandering, but I still put my money for a new try and we spent together other three months.
It has been one of a half year since then. And I tend to forget things, but I don’t want to forget this: I felt like I was on a marriage that after years is doll and that I still had to act as a loving and caring wife.. I lost my desire. I remember I wanted to sleep but he.. He and his desires didn’t allow me. I was angry but he was going to stay more days and I didn’t want them to be more unbearable.
It sucks . I don’t remember but I think I even wanted the days to go faster to recover my peace.
In 2012. I cried when he left. But I was still angry, disappointed, full of resentment.
Now in 2015, I thought seriously about going to his country. But why? Maybe I’m just bored and it’s a safe place.
But dammit it’s the same a safe place. Then I will never grow uP.
I just need to get away of everything . As I always wanted.
I need to go… And be sure there will always be Paris and many guys called Pierre. 🤔
Confession 